'What is your problem man, stop messaging me' Hritisha replied to my email the next day.
I became extremely excited as she answered me almost after four months. I jumped from my seat in office. A big smile took place on my sad face.
'Hey, how are you?' I replied to her email.
'Just say what you want to say.'
'I want to be with u again, I can't live without you. Please come back.'
'That’s it? Anything else you want to say?'
'Fine, I don't want to come back, Please stop messaging me, it’s irritating.'
'What can I do to get u back?'
'Nothing! I do not want to go back to your life.'
'I will do suicide.'
'Have you gone mad? Think about your Family. How can you be so mad at a Girl?'
'You are not an ordinary girl for me; you are special to me and you know that.'
'Oh just shut up and move on.'
'I can't. Please'
'Let’s be friends again at least?'
'I don't want to keep any kind of relationship with you okay?'
'Hritisha, we had spent a fantastic time together, let's not spoil it.'
'It will be hard for both of us to behave like friends after a breakup.'
'Let’s try once.'
'Okay, I need to think about that, now bye.'
We both stopped the conversation. I was quite happy because she said that she would again think about our friendship. After one week, Hritisha accepted my proposal for friendship. She unblocked me on HIKE Messenger app only. I could see neither her profile picture nor any activities on Hike, as she did not add me as a favorite. However, I was happy because at least she opened one door to connect.
She had changed the number. I tried the new number on WhatsApp also, but I guess she had blocked me already from new number also, or she was still using the same old number for WhatsApp. We used to chat very formally in the beginning maybe, once in two days. I was desperate to talk to her all the time just like before but, I was afraid; what if she would be angry again and would never accept me for the second time. Therefore, I controlled myself.
Slowly we started making fun of each other, sharing day-to-day life experiences, not everything but something, which was important. I did not know how Hritisha felt for me at that time, but I was surely in love with her. I could not hate her.
The day of Diwali 2015; a day of celebration for the rest of the world, but the worst day for me.
I apologized, as I have been lying to you that I have moved on and did not love you anymore. It is nothing like that. I still love you, even more. I just did not want to hurt you and spoil your mood.
I have tried a lot to get over you. I cannot love anyone else, not even want to love. I want to live with you until my last breath, want to pamper you also.
I want to be the man with whom you want to be. I will lose my weight and will change my over possessive nature, I promise. Please do not leave me now. I will handle your anger; you can use me as your stress ball.
Maybe I am wrong, but I still believe that no one can love you more than me. In addition, if it is true, I will never disappoint you again; never give you a chance for complaint. I will fight with everyone if required or I will convince everyone.
Today is the last day of the year, and I do not want to start a new year with lies and false relationship. You were right; we cannot be friends after a breakup. I tried a lot to behave like your friend, but I am not a good actor.
Please consider me as your life partner, again.
I proposed Hritisha once again because I thought she also felt the same for me. She gave a hint to me few times that she was feeling lonely, she looked for someone who can pamper her exactly the way I was pampering her before. There was nothing wrong with her thoughts. I knew what she was going through. It's not easy to move on after a breakup. Hritisha was adamant enough to tackle the challenges and situations. Of course, she had moved on. She was just sharing her feelings as a Good friend. However, I took it wrong again.
'Man, it's enough now. I am blocking you' the only reply I got from Hritisha after reading my message.
She already blocked me before I respond to her message. The same situation got repeated. Plenty of emails, uncountable call on her new number, sleepless nights, and tearful eyes.I did not know why I was taking so long to move on, to get over her. Hritisha also knew that I never give a damn to a person who does not respect me and shows their attitude to me. But, she was so special to me that, I just somehow couldn’t forget her. She was still there deep inside my heart.
Divya, my cousin, also warned me that I was getting mad over a girl. Divya talked with Hritisha about my situation, but Hritisha requested her to convince me to forget her forever, as she would never marry me against her parent's decision.
However, thank God it took hardly one week to convince Hritisha again. She warned me and gave me final chance to move on.
Hritisha promised me that she would help me to do shopping for my cousin Divya's wedding, but on one condition, that was, only when I would lose at least fifteen kg weight before the second week of January 2016. I did not want to lose that opportunity, and started working out hard, followed the diet chart as I had only fifty days left. After few days, our friendship normalized once again. However, I noticed a little bit change in Hritisha’s behavior. I was happy with her response.
Hritisha asked me whether my parents were still thinking about my marriage or not. It was impossible for me to tell her that I still love her and could not think of any other girl, therefore I lied to her, that my parents were searching girls for me. I had to meet them once I would come to India for annual leave. I hated myself for lying to her.
One day, Hritisha sent me her photos along with a boy, I felt bad but I never had the guts to say so. The pictures were clicked at a discotheque and it was her company's annual party. I was seeing her photo after five months. She turned fat, her cheeks and tummy became chubby. I guess she was not taking care of her diet; she was not worried about her calories.
The boy's face was quite familiar to me, as I had noticed that he used to always like and comment Hritisha’s posts on Facebook. I was an excellent stalker.
I created another Facebook profile, searched, and got his name, Avinash Juneja. He commented on Hritisha’s one of the cover photos. I checked his timeline; everything was visible to everyone. It was an open profile. I noticed that his posts were about love and relationships, and Hritisha had commented and liked all of his posts. This information cleared my doubt that they both were sharing the relationship more than a friendship.
My doubt was cleared. He was none another than Avinash Juneja. I could not decide whether I should be happy or sad. I decided to wait and watch.