CHAPTER TWO: BORROWED HUNGER
From a young age I've always had eating disorders, binge eating disorder to be precise. My parents weren't always around so I'd stuff my face with anything edible, I'd eat and still crave for more even in my sleep - Now I've lost that craving. The doctors called it a successful recovery, a miracle for healing from something I've struggled with half of my life but I called it 'Malak is happening'.
It started with small things I'd purge on the sight of normal food then I'd get this strong craving for raw meat. Leah,Mira and I settled on pregnancy but I knew damn well I was still a virgin, I'd stopped Ezekiel from touching me ever since I read a book on soul ties. We dismissed that thought. That's when the doctors came with there miracle healing theory. Pathetic.
"I'm getting thin Mira, the smell of food is getting me sick and I can't continue like this" I cried to my best friend. It was after work. With soft rain outside and we where at my home.
She stroked my hair. "It's okay Eva. Must be one of the effects of binge eating".She sounded assuring. "Tonight you should try eating, force yourself through it".
My bedroom door opened softly behind it stood Malak dressed in his usual formal attire, all black, his hands in his pockets, smiling. "Shall we go for a drive. I might help".
"I'm beginning to think something is up with you two" Mira said jokingly and laughing.
"Stop it. I'll see you later "
"What about Ezekiel?"
"Just tell him I've the flu or anything "
I grabbed my coat and we entered his car. I scoffed. A devil with a car? He drove out of the city to some woodlands, a peaceful place that made my body settle, relaxed. We got out and he took my hand leading me deep into the woods until we faced a swamp. We got in a small boat and in it was a bucket full of raw meat the blood filling to the top.
"You're gonna kill me? HELP" I yelled.
"That's lion meat", he glared. "I got it for you"
"I'm not eating that" I disgustedly said
"Then have fun starving to death" ,he stood up facing the water. "Binge eating was what you've fed yourself for all these years but now it's time you feed something else "
"Am I pregnant for you?"
"Are you dumb?"
"No. No one believes me you're a devil, you've an advantage of just taking me out and no one will suspect a thing"
He chuckled. "A devil?me? No sweety I'm far from that maybe sooner I'll graduate to that".
"Why can't you do the killing and feeding yourself?" I stood up to stare at the empty space he was seeing.
"I was cursed. They said I was bad luck to society so they offered me as a sacrifice to a god they prayed to", he scoffed. "Somehow your prayer released me, the chains where broken, all I could see was your face, your blood brought me back to life".
"So you're like a demon out for revenge?" I asked softly.
"Revenge? No"
I stared at the bucket the blood making my mouth watery the smell it carried giving me the goosebumps, I sat down slowly reaching for the meat, the blood flowing calmly on my hands, I raised it to my face and gnawed on it, tender soft, just right. I begun to chew until there was no meat then I drank the blood, wiping my mouth with my hands as I looked up and saw that he was gone. The hunger was gone too. I was satisfied. I waited before pedaling back, walking through the dense forest until I saw the road.
***
I stood in the driveway facing my parents house, I could see the few memories that hadn't disappeared from my childhood still happen but none was good. It was all broken. I tried to move towards it but the house moved further and further away until I was in the middle of a dense fog. The eerily silence came back, a feeling of something powerful was with me, something I wasn't supposed to be with. I looked around with my fists clenched. Malak appeared moving gracefully towards me, he kneeled at my feet then kissed them.
"Rise and shine beautiful"
I opened my eyes, my heart pounding with eagerness and excited, my eyes landed on Ezekiel who carried flowers, the disappointment. I gave him a smile while sitting up. "What are you doing here this early?" I pushed my hair back.
"You've missed alot of dates so I want to take you out" he smiled. The smile that once gave me butterflies appeared to me as something I always hated, I despised it.
I glared. "I've work".
"I spoke to your boss and he's fine with it". He wrapped his hand around mine and the disgust hit me deep.
Ezekiel's day was planned out carefully; a picnic, swimming etc..... my body already felt tired but I'd to do it, he was my man after all. Upon reaching the gardens, the spot was perfect; a nice layout of flowers, painting materials on the side and just being surrounded by nature was all I needed but spending it with him was something I was struggling with inside. Over the years him and I had been talking marriage and I guess maybe the tension was from there. "Maybe you should move in with me?" His eyes lit up. My stomach grossed up.
"Why?" I disgustedly asked.
"It's been three years Eva we need to settle"
I shoved some bread down my throat. Bad idea. The whole thing came rushing out my mouth and nose like it was a race. I vomited for a while before getting myself together and gathering enough courage to face him.
"You know Mira told me you've been feeling ill for sometime now"
"Yeah the doctors said I'm fine it's nothing" I said while drinking water.
"Hmph. Eva I'm not a kid, are you pregnant?"
"I'm a virgin Ezekiel, why would you ask that?"
"You've been walking around with that Malachi boy"
"Leave Malak out of all this"
"Mira said you'd get defensive over him" he left.
Something buried in me wanted to cry and apologize but it felt too weak like he wasn't important anymore or not meant for my life. I grabbed my bag and begun walking home.
"Need a lift?"
I smiled. Malak. He drove to the same spot as yesterday and he offloaded some camping gear.
"You left me alone yesterday" I said feeling shy under my breath, my legs getting wobbly.
"I trusted you. And you took care of yourself"
"I dreamt about you". Every word that came out of me was childish, I was beginning to fall for whatever this was and it was sickening.
"I know". He finished setting up then we sat down to drink.
"Is this like your go to spot?"
"Yeah. Nature doesn't do drama I prefer being alone than in a crowded spot"
"Something's happening to me", I took a huge breath, "I'm not enjoying stuff I normally enjoyed. I'm starting to hate my boyfriend"
"I do hate his mullet"
"No Malak you can't just go around playing with my body like that".
"I don't like him. Besides the only man you need is me".
He grabbed my hand and picked me up in his arms, kissing me.
The things I once feared, the part of me I had been trying to avoid was now making sense, Malak had come to take all that pain away. He was the gentle whisper, the voice in my head that assured me life was like a notebook and I was the pen, the creator, I could change whatever I want and decide if my fate is really mine or somebody else's problem.
