I can't sleep all night. There is an argument going on within me, let's just assume it as a mind and a heart!!
My mind states no I can't love any person. This love thing is not for me. I have so much to do in my life. So just forget Aarav and come back on a track.
But my heart argues that I like him. I can look at his face whole day. His eyes are so beautiful. His voice is so attractive. He has all the good qualities I am searching for so I want to love him.
Then again my mind comes that what about Aarav, I don't think he even likes me. He is just being nice it doesn't mean that he is falling for me. I know him very well he must have his love interest in Canada, that's why he doesn't like here. I don't think I have any chance. I shouldn't waste my time in this stupid feelings. It will not end well.
I get up, press my temples with my hands and speak to my self, 'oh god, I am so confused.
I lie down and try sleep but my heart is hurting, I don't know why but I want to cry out loud, cause I don't want this one sided relationship..and on the other hand I feel that I can't let go these feelings of mine.
Then finally I decide to conceal my affection for Aarav, deep inside my heart and I close my eyes, but I don't think this stupid feelings let me sleep.
Deep down I am sure that my mind is right, but I don't want to go with it.
This is so frustrating cause I am so confused, desperate, tired of my own thoughts. I don't know what to do?
I can't handle this type of situation. I was fine before Aarav entered in my life. I was sure about my life. But now I am not sure about anything. And I can't let this happen.
I firmly decide that after reaching home, I'll lessen my contact with Aarav. I'll merge my self in my work and think about nothing else. With this I close my eyes.
I open them when I hear a knock on my door. I am still sleepy, it's just two hrs I got to sleep. Again I hear knocking so I get up from the couch with sleepy eyes and messy hairs and open the door.
What can be better start of a day than a cute person you adore is standing in front of you!!! Aarav is standing still in his night wear, smiling. He is looking so charming. Well I don't know about me!!?
I smile at him. He wishes me good morning, I wish him back. He informs,"we should leave early, it's a long journey and weather is not so good, so be ready okay."
I reply,"okay" With this I go to bathroom, do my routine, change to black tank top with white printed shrug, blue Capri and white sneakers.
When I get to Aarav's room, he is ready too, wearing navy blue mandarin collar shirt,white chino and tan brown loafers. Oh god he is looking dashing!!
He looks at me, smiles and asks, "ready?"
I nod, yes. He says,"okay then let's take a breakfast and leave."
We sit on a breakfast table, where two plates of 'poha' and two glasses of orange juice are already served.
He is again silent looking in his phone. I on the other hand continuously thinking about yesterday night. I guess my mind was right, Aarav is not interested in me.
I eat very little, drink a juice and get up from the chair. Aarav looks at me and asks, "finished?" I reply, "yeah".
He gets up too, I raise my brows and ask, "but you didn't eat anything?" He smiles at me and answers, "just like you."
I wonder is it possible that he was observing me or is it from the plate he came to know?
He taps on my shoulder and asks,"hey Raavi, where are you?, I told you to pack your bags and meet me at the lift okay?"
I am red from embarrassment, I just nod my head and go to my room. I hurriedly pack my bags and join Aarav at the lift,
As we reach at the ground floor, a Portman comes to me to help me with my luggage. as we step out of the hotel door...I see one attendant is ready with Aarav's car.. all washed and clean!!!
I was thinking to take the backseat, but after all these things Aarav has done for me, I thought it would be inappropriate so I change my mind and take a passenger's seat beside Aarav.
Aarav starts the car. For sometimes I don't know what to speak? I just look at my cell phone. I think that Kiara's cousin is just like Kiara, always in silent mode.
It's a long journey, I can't keep silence so I ask him, "why didn't you bring driver with you, it's a long route?" He answers, "I like to drive by my self."
I look at him, his eyes are on the road. I again ask, "it would be difficult for you to drive here, I mean ours is left hand drive country, crowded, typical traffic rules and what not.." he laughs and replies, "yeah it was very difficult, I had to take special driving classes for that...but now I can drive at any place.." he pauses looks at me with somewhat admiration in his eyes and continues, "but still I can't drive like you...
you just drive crazily fast.."
I am surprised, as long as I remember I have never driven my car on a road in presence of him, how does he know?
So I ask him curiously. He replies,"ummm on Kiara's birthday night it was so late and you were all alone so I came after you, but you were driving so fast that it was difficult for me...to keep up.."
I interrupt, "oh that's the reason you knew way to my home next day, I was thinking that how did you know? Aarav smiles at me. I continue, "by the way thank you for that."
I am overwhelmed, oh god! I don't want to fall for him but he seems so caring, I can't stop my heart. He is making things difficult for me!!
He looks at me and asks,"you look tense, what happen?" I answer, "nothing it's just..."
I glance at the music player so I change the topic, "hey.. can I play songs?" He nods so I start the player and play songs of my choice from my cellphone.
I ask him,"would you mind if I sing along with player?" He looks at me with some disbelief in his eyes. So I tell him twitching my lips, "it's okay if you don't like then."
To my surprise he starts singing along with the song, it is 'sorry by Justin bieber', I giggle and join him.
Then we together sing along many songs loudly like 'Past life' 'let me love you', 'closer', 'take away' and many more.
Now we are out of city, so I force him to play a game with me, he laughs on me but finally agrees, may be because of disappointed look on my face...!!
So I instruct him about the game ,'catch the word from song' in which if I sing a song then Aarav has to catch one word and he has to sing a song in which the word he caught should come.. then I have to catch another word from that song and game is on.....
I don't remember exactly but we sang many songs. I was surprised cause Aarav was quite good in singing and he was singing hindi songs too.
So It was tough for me but finally I win, so I am cheering my self up 'yeah... yeah... yeah...' he laughs at me and tells me, "did anyone tell you before, you are just like a kid?" I smile and answer, "yeah everyone tells me the same thing."
He laughs, "by the way you are a good singer." I smirk, "I know..I am singing from my school days.. now I perform at the college youth festivals and college functions."
I recall my school days. I say, "actually first time I performed with Ivaan, you know him right?" Aarav looks somewhat disturbed but he answers, "of course I know my cousin..!!" I smile and continue, "Ivaan encouraged me a lot."
Aarav looks at me. Why do I feel that I've seen sadness in his eyes? He looks back to the road and asks, "it looks like you still miss him."
I reply, "of course I miss him, its because of him, kiara is with me today.. and he was so caring..and..."
Aarav clears his throat and instantly asks, "do you know the reason behind him leaving India?"
I look at him, why does he look angry? I answer, "well not exactly but I think it's for higher education, but the way he left it was quite surprising cause it was just two days before we celebrated his 12th result and then suddenly he disappeared and it's been six years now and he didn't even call me once.."
I look at Aarav, he is driving silently listening to me.
I continue, "I asked kia thousands of times but she is not ready to give me clear answer. She tries to avoid speaking about Ivaan, But I know she misses him too. Sometimes I feel it in her eyes."
I add with a smile, "Ivaan was a fun loving person, if you were here at that time then you would have known him."
Aarav looks me with corner of his eyes, smirks and informs, "Raavi... Ivaan used to live with us in Toronto."
I smile with the excitement and ask, "oh! I totally forgot...then Ivaan must have told you about us..!!?"
Aarav tries to remember something and answers, "yeah sort of..." then he looks at me and says, "he didn't tell anything about you.." I narrow my eyes and ask with disbelief, "are you sure??"
Aarav furrows at me and answers, "yeah.. I mean I never heard 'Raavi' from him.." I laugh and inform him, "of course you didn't cause he used to call me 'Ra'.. he used to speak my name with unique style 'hey Ra..'. I sometimes told him that my name is already short and you are again shortening it but he never listened to me.."
As I gave this information I don't know why but Aarav's total gesture changes. He must have accelerated the car in an abrupt way that I hit my head to the seat. And I can see his grip on the steering wheel tightens. I observe his jaw clenched. He is looking disturbed.
I think, is it possible that he is jealous? But his expressions are not of a jealousy, it is of anger and displeasure..
It's been half an hour and he is still quiet. I haven't had told him anything about Ivaan, if I had known the consequences.
I clear my throat and ask, "hey are you alright? I am sorry I shouldn't have brought up my past"
Aarav stops his car on a side of the road, drinks water from the bottle and looks at me, "no.. it's good that you told me the truth"
I narrow my eyes at him but he starts the car with a smile and changes the topic.
So what were you telling about singing? I giggle and answer, "well you are a good singer too but I still believe that your piano is quite impressive."
He raises his brows smiles and speaks with disbelief, "so you were listening to my piano at Kiara's birthday, I thought no one was interested. Well I play guitar too." I widen my eyes and say, "oh wow I love to play guitar, I have one but I don't know how to play it?" He smirks and says,"ummm I will teach you some day." I look at him and ask,"really?" He nods, hmmm..
Then I ask him about his favourite singers,musicians,books,sports, movies.... He is giving me answer with the face like he tries his best to suppress his laugh..
I was continuously speaking and he was silent most of times, just giving me answer by nodding...
So I ask him, "are you getting bored because of me?... I know I talk little much." He starts laughing and tells me, "little much.....!!, you talk too much....!! but I am not getting bored. I am enjoying your company, Anurag was quite right about you.... From now on whenever I'll get bored I'll call you to meet me." I reply, "done."
The night when Aarav came to ask me about dating Anurag flashes back in my mind. so I ask him,"on that day why were you asking me about dating Anurag?" He looks at me little longer then again focuses on the road and asks, "what do you think?"
I shrug and reply, "I think you were asking me because of Kiara, right?"
He says without looking at me, "yeah something like that.." I couldn't see his expressions.
After a long pause he asks me," but really tell me the truth, are you dating someone?"
I think why is he curious? I laugh and answer, "dating and me, do you think it's possible, I mean look at me, most people I meet think that I don't have any style. They are not wrong... I don't have big wardrobe filled with branded cloths, branded shoes, and accessory. I can't imitate the way they speak, sit, eat or even walk...
I am a book worm, who on earth will be ready to date me? I don't know if any boy even notices me, cause I think I don't fit in their definition of 'beauty'...and that's the reason my mom is worried about me."
He looks at me, I notice his eyes are glittering. He says, "why do you think that any boy will search for style and brands in you? I think you present your self gracefully that's the style, you don't need to rampwalk with designer clothes and make up for 24 hrs to impress others. you are beautiful and smart..and that's enough..
He laughs, "Raavi you don't know yourself do you? I mean you see the world differently and don't imitate others that's the reason that you are designer.. you have your own style..
For those boys whom you are talking about they just ignore you cause you are unreachable for them. You are a 'sour grape' cause they know your potential..
you are intelligent and beautiful, and you have your own standards for everything. That's the reason they just ignore you.
But don't underestimate your capabilities, you should be proud that you are being your self. I can say that any man in his right mind can fall for you."
Oh god he thinks that I am beautiful, my heart starts pumping in my chest, the more I know him, the more I am getting into him. I have to stop these feelings. I feel that my whole face is red.
I look at him, of course his eyes are on the road.. oh god! I don't want any man I just need this man to fall for me.
He looks at me..I say shyly, "thank you Aarav, but really I don't want to waste my time in dating and all... I mean I want to study hard, I want to work with great designers and want to be the one. So I am fine single, I have all my friends for me. So I never felt that I need a boyfriend to take care of me."
He is looking at me with amusement in his eyes, he smiles and recalls, " So Kia was right about you... that you are a different, I hope one day you are going to achieve your dreams.. All the very best for that." I giggle and thank him.
Then I ask him, "actually how much did you two talk about me?" He rolls his eyes, smiles and answers, "just a little, actually she has given me information about all of you so that I can know you well." I ask raising my brows, "oh!! So you know everything about us."
He answers, "yeah I mean not everything, but things like... how did you all meet?, about your studies.. and so..., but one thing she didn't tell me, it is about you and Anurag."
I narrow my eyes at him. He explains, "you two seem so close, like you understand each other very well, first I thought that Anurag is your boyfriend but now I know he is not, so I asked Kia but she told me to ask you..umm."
I laugh and interrupt him, "okay okay I get it. Well it's not a big secret, as a child I too thought that Anurag was my brother, cause mostly he was living with us, but as I grew up, I found out that he is not my real brother...
One day Anurag, him self told me the whole story that he was around 7-8 years old, when his parents died in a car crash, he was all alone with his grand father. His father and my father were best friends. So from the day his parents died my mother took his all the responsibility, at that time I was around 4-5 years old. We spent most of our time together playing, eating, studying, even sleeping,.
Only at the weekends we used to visit his grand pa.
His grand father was taking care of the business, but when he fell ill, my parents insisted both of them to live with us but he is too stubborn so he went to live with his grand pa to take care of him.
Before his grand pa died , he choose my parents as a guardian for Anurag. Obviously Anurag was all broken but with the help of my father.. Anurag slowly slowly took all the responsibilities of business.
Still my mom was insisting him to live with us, but he didn't listen to my mom and started living in his house saying that he didn't want to be a burden on us...
Well he frequently visits us but not like before when we used to live together, but we are still the same like siblings.
I look at Aarav..., "So this is the reason that we share a special bond..." He smiles at me and appreciates, "your parents are really great!!" I twitch my lips and smile, "I know".
At the afternoon we are halfway from Delhi. Aarav stops the car at the restaurant on a highway. We take lunch. One thing I am happy about me now is, I am feeling so comfortable with Aarav.
I am sharing everything with him. He too looks comfortable. Now he is not that silent. He starts talking about weather in Canada, his life there, his studies, his business, but he doesn't mention any girl.
Well I am dying to know if he has a girlfriend... but I don't have guts to ask him, I don't know what will he think of me?
Inside I am sure that he has one, obvious it's his personal matter, and he doesn't want to share it with me. I should be fine with it but I am not. The more I talk to him, the more I am attracting towards him. Oh god what is happening to me?
After lunch we again get inside the car. As the car starts, I close my eyes and try to sleep. Actually I am trying to stop thinking about him. I can't take it. Now I know my mom is right about me. I am very sensitive and that's why I think too much.
I open my eyes, when the car stops. I see set of big brownish black eyes staring at me. I ask by rubbing my eyes, "where are we?" Aarav smiles at me, "Hey you are up, actually we are at some hotel in a midway. well I am getting coffee for my self, do you wanna drink anything?" I nod, " yes.. tea would be fine."
He smiles at me and says, "ok ma'm, do you wanna come out or want me to bring your tea here?" I open the door and join him.
When I start to drink tea, he smirks at me so I ask him, "what?" He replies, "nothing.. I was just thinking that you are a tea lover.. I mean you drink tea too much right?" I narrow my eyes and say, "yeah.. I can drink tea anytime... l smile and ask, "by the way how far is our city from here?" He raises his brows and asks me back, "tired?.. it's three hours."
I breath deeply and say, "yeah, actually I am not a car person, well I like to drive but..." He smirks at me and interrupts me, "okay, here's the key, you can drive." I widen my eyes, look at him and ask, "really, you want me, to drive your car..?" He twitches his lips and nods yes. I say happily, "oh thank you and I grab the key from his hand and get in the car" he laughs and sits beside me.
I start the car and say loudly, "okay so here we go." And I press the accelerator. I look from the corner of my eyes that Aarav is looking at me. I ask him, "what?"
He opens his mouth to say something but then he says, "nothing.." I twitch my lips, "okay let's start music then" and I switch on the player, again we sing along many songs. This time so loudly that my throat is dry after every song. And finally I am so tired that I stop singing. Aarav is continuously laughing on me..
Finally we are in our home town. Aarav invites me at his place, but I denies saying that my parents are so worried about me that they called me around twenty times during a day. So it would be good for me to reach at my home in time.
I drive his car towards my home. I think it was the best day of my life. My all confusion and misunderstanding about Aarav is clear now. I know that he is really a good person.
Finally I decide to go with my heart. I want to take a risk. I don't care if I'll end up badly or not. I am not worried about anything now. I just want to be with him, I wish he is thinking the same about me.
I look at him he looks like he is in deep thoughts. I clear my throat and say to him, " thank you for everything Aarav, I really enjoyed your company." He looks at me and says, "no..thank you Raavi, you know after very long time I feel these alive, actually I don't remember when I laughed this crazily last time?
You are an amazing person Raavi, promise me you won't change for anybody." I laugh and say, "okay.. I won't."
Then he utters the words which I would never have wanted to listen.. the words that stab my heart and put me in the ocean of confusion.. my confidence which I got just five minutes ago is crushed into little dust size particles..
"do you know? You remind me of Avira..."
My heart skips a beat....
Hi dear readers..
I tried to lift a curtain from Anurag's past... and as for Ivaan, you will read more about him in up coming chapters... and the rest of the chapter is, to create bonding between Raavi and Aarav....lol...😃😃😃😃