The Real Me


After being well placed in the growing company, I was in a belief of a normal life , getting paid regularly is the rarest thing is India , but I was fortunate to be on the rarest side , having a loving wife , couple of good friends , Sunday chutti , wasn’t a dream life of mine , but certainly I was living a dream life of thousands of people….

Everything was going like a rocket , smooth , steady yet towards the upside.

It is to be said , fingers are not even same than why you expect your days to be…. And than the unforgettable journey of my life begun..

One day was sitting on a office and working , I come to know the dangerous plan of our Directors , they will shut down the plant with immediate effect. What the hell am I going to do ? what about my colleagues ? and more in this , what about the people who are earning on daily basis ? a pin drop silence and I was like someone  hit something very badly on my head….no thoughts , no reaction , nothing but the only concern about 300 people..

The journey from day one to till date started floating against my eyes. From the small machine to become the biggest machine owner company in our city , praise of work , awards for company everything was just like a dream, and suddenly I have pinched my self , and I felt it … it wasn’t a dream , a naked reality was in front of me , the evil situation was laughing like a ghost. And we all become just like a scared child.. what next ? the same question ran through everyone’s mind . I had just realized the feeling of a father who just saw the death of the child , who has grown in front of him all these years. I was watching our efforts going in vain , our hard work  feeling pain and can see the tears almost rolling out from our proudly eyes…. Feeling just like an earthquake dismantling our hopes  , a tornado blowing out our luck and can see the lava ready to spread everywhere to make just like nothing was here….

I didn’t have enough strength left to stand up from the chair , go to  the management and ask about the decision. I was just in a state of mind as same as paralyzed person. As we have accepted each condition at work with a smile either the pressure of target , getting everything ready in no time or doing whatever we can to get everything done to run the organization safely. We have accepted it with smile. I didn’t recognize this , but now I am feeling , this is called the defeat . yes I was defeated but I don’t have courage to accept that at that point of time. And I m feeling now , what happened after that, is the reaction to hide my that defeat and to prove that I can’t be defeated , after all we have been born to get success only , how can person like me get defeated  ? and this feeling of a looser born inside me because I didn’t get up from the chair , for me  either……

Yes , I know , I had the power , I had the ability to convince the person to buy something even he don’t need that , but I was failed to convince the management because I didn’t gave a try.. for a fraction of a second I thought to have a word , but than my ego , a feeling of I am something ran through my nerves and make my blood frozen , that feeling push my thoughts and buried them so deeply inside me that even I couldn’t able to find it .


For a minute or so, I thought , I have a good track record , good education , good contacts , it will not be hard to find the new job , yes it is going to be difficult , a hair snatching time , but I born to fight , and born to win , I will fight , I will win and I will make my life same again. But I wasn’t aware , there are hundreds and thousand of Bihag roaming around with the same hope , same confidence yet not succeed than how I can ?? I reached home with this big question on my mind , HOW  ?





The first step at home is always exciting , either you are returning from weeks , months , years or at the day end . you know that someone is there who will be equally happy after seeing you , as you are . After all that drama , I had decided that I will not share anything with her , as I was not sure what I am going to do next , It was not like that I don’t have a time  but I was not able to , as you don’t have a Plan B always ready , at least not in my case…

So ,I came home and trying to be normal like nothing happened , like the storm has changed the direction but I knew , it hasn’t , I have forced it to stay just outside my door so that it cant make my home chaotic , but I also know that , today or tomorrow , it will ring the ball so loudly that everyone will listen to it .

As per the routine ,me and my wife just had dinner , and she asked me for a ride and ice-cream , I said yes instantly and went inside to change the clothes , I have locked the door and in the next minute I have checked my wallet for the first time in so many years , and the calculations begun. We need to buy groceries , bills , recharges , petrol  . I never thought all of these before , or I never pay attention to it that these all things will make me understand the value of my earnings.  And I have decided I will not have anything today . I came out , wife was almost about to knock the doors , as generally I don’t take too much time by changing , but I have taken 3-4 minutes , because in that extra 3-4 minutes I have made a planning of month.

We went out in car for drive and ice-cream , and suddenly from nowhere the question came out from my wife : “ is everything ok ?” , even today I don’t understand , from where she got the idea that something is wrong happening with me , may she has a sixth sense or whatever , but on 90% cases , she is bang on , so she looked at me for a minute and asked me again , is everything ok ? , as I have decided to not to share , I have just nodded my head and said yes dear , everything is fine , why are you asking ? in reply , she just nodded her head and told me , just I felt something is not good so asking you…………. And I was like let’s share everything , but I don’t want ice-cream to melt down and importantly , I don’t want her to melt down.

After finishing long drive and ice-cream , we reached home. Obviously the storm inside me has blown away my sleep , so decided to watch TV. I don’t know what I was watching , I still remembering  that second when I come to know ,I want to cry , cry louder , I want to share , I want to tell to her , but I cant because I don’t want her to be in the same mental condition as I was passing through , as it is necessary for either of two to be normal in the tricky situation of life , or maybe I just don’t want to share that I have failed , defeated ,and the guy you are staying with right now is jobless………….

Next morning , as normal day , I wake up , and by the time she made tea , I have finished my routine and got ready , I don’t know where I will go , but as I haven’t share anything with her , it was necessary for me to go out from home. I came out from home and straight away I went to the placement agencies to inquire about job , or anything they have so that I can be a earning person again. I have spent nearly about 2 weeks like this , going out from home in the morning and coming back in evening as per the scheduled so she didn’t get any idea , meanwhile , I have given 3-4 interviews , but as I was carrying my own expectation on my shoulders , I failed there as well. I have started to realize that its gonna be a hardest time of my life. But life had some other plans , it whispered already that you haven’t seen the hardest days of people , but in the noise of my own breath , I haven’t listened it .

I have started cutting the expenses, I have started using two wheelers , stopped unnecessary use of car, stopped buying the things which are not needed at that time , stopped giving my clothes for ironing , even stopped eating one time , by doing these , I wasn’t  just helping myself but I am getting ready for the worst time which was about to reach at my door…



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