Chapter : 4
Vakt ki ked me, zindagi hai magar,
Chand ghadiya yahi hai jo aazad hai
In ko khokar meri jaane ja, umar bhar na taraste raho,
Haaye mar jayenge, hum to loot jayenge
Aisi baate kiya na karo, aaj jane ki zid na karo
“What are you looking for?” inner me asked.
“Controlling measures” I thought, eyes closed.
“What kind of controlling measures” asked inner me, I opened my eyes.
“How you can be so sure of what I am thinking?” I asked.
“Controlling measures – Either ‘you will be controlling time that you are living’ or ‘time will control you’ and this whole process is based on your thinking” inner me answered.
“So my thinking will design my life, that’s what you are trying to convey” I asked.
“You must have control on your thinking, usually your thinking is based on past, which you cannot change and then imagination starts which is unrealistic. You spend most of your time in thinking about thing which is not in your control. Now something which is not in your control then why you are wasting your time?” inner me asked.
“There is ball of energy in you and whole energy is controlled by your thinking. This is what Kushmanda defines. Kushmanda means ball of energy” Inner me said.
“Now you think that you will control everything and you have good control on you, but that’s only about conscious mind. Your subconscious mind has already started preparing plans without informing you. Now close your eyes and think about her, search your plans and try to remember her” inner me said. I closed my eyes and thought for a while.
“What you can see?” inner me asked.
“Plan for a trip, a road trip actually, we were going somewhere, all friends, we are enjoying. Then there were thoughts of her birthday, I was having some gifts in my hand and then I was thinking will she like it or not? Also there are thoughts of I and she sitting at a place – on a beach I think, there were cold winds” I spoke.
“Now wait, have many of these you actually planned?” Inner me asked. I was thinking, a little bit confused.
“Can I assume you actually didn’t plan anything from this just because you know these plans are hard to come into reality” Inner me spoke.
“Yes, it is hard to have a trip that I imagined few moments ago, I was sure that I will not buy a gift for her” I said.
“Exactly, that is what subconscious mind offers you, have you felt bad that you didn’t offer her a gift after few days of her birthday?” inner me asked.
“Yes, there were thoughts that I missed a chance” I said.
“And that’s the result of offering of subconscious mind” inner me said.
“Can you please explain” I said.
“Listen, you were sure that you are not going to gift her something, though there were thoughts that you missed a chance, now you and I both know that the trip is not going to happen in reality thought every time you prepare a schedule and you wait for your friends to join because you want her to be with you. Can you understand what I am telling you! You always tell people that you have good control on your thinking and on your mind but that is only one your conscious mind. Let me tell you my dear friend, our subconscious mind is not in our control, our controlling measures failed here. Now I need to confirm till what limit our subconscious mind has reached, because I want to know how hard it is going to be to forget her” inner me said.
“I think I should not do this” I answered.
“Close your eyes and think about her, accept that your subconscious mind has reached there” inner me spoke, I closed my eyes for a while and then suddenly opened it, took a deep breath, shocked. Inner me laughed.
“What happened? Is it that much unbelievable? That much deep! Okay, don’t answer anything, I just want you to be aware where you are so that I can take back whole ball of energy in the direction it should be” Inner me spoke.
“Subconscious mind possesses great energies of imagination and thinking, but it is require to make sure this energy has correct direction, the ball of energy goes in a direction where it should be and that’s what Kushmanda stands for” Inner me spoke.
“Why you are not visible to me today, from where you are speaking?” I asked.
“Today, I am in front of you as your thinking energy” inner me answered.
I wake up with smile and looked in the mirror searching my thoughts of subconscious mind.
