Arrival of flight from Male to Trivandrum has been announced. The crew got ready for landing. From the seat ,I was looking at an airhostess ,knowingly or unknowingly can see her eyes filled with tears but why she is crying. My mind said perhaps she knows you are leaving male forever and will not return. A that very moment the words of Abu the then officer from Male Education department echoed in my ears “Whenever you wish you can return to male”
I consoled, comforted myself. I was in a state of bliss not knowing what I am doing, what I am talking and where I am.Mechanically but with a human touch, I stepped down the stairs. I was least bothered about who is going in front of me or who followed me.
The next very moment I as standing before the customs officer for clearance and stamping looked at the photo in my passport a number of time and asked me “is this you, I notice plenty of difference”. I answered boldly “Yes ,Sir, it is me I was sick perhaps that may be the reason”. Without a second question he just stamped my passport and relieved me.Only I know how I was manging my pants with a jute string, I do not have enough money or time, mind to go and purchase a waist belt at that moment.
Reaching out, I found my wife, sister and brother in law were waiting to receive me to take me back home. They have already received the message from Male Education department that I was seriously ill and they are sending me back home relieving me from the teacher job I were doing.
There faces I saw without any expressions and dumb. Still, I am hearing some odd sounds around me at top pitches which only I can hear talking to me and persuading me to answer them in my mind. At present I can only say that I am in a state of mind normally abnormal or abnormally normal.
We reached my sister’s house in Trivandrum by car which was nearby airport. The sounds continued to disturb me now and then. Sometimes they say “I will kill you”. Then I will answer them in my mind”Yes,kill me but kill all my negative thoughts’. Hearing this they will remain silent for some time.
I never told my sister or my wife what has happened to me or what is my current state of mind. But all of them have come to a conclusion I believe I am mentally ill.
The sound which were echoing now was that of a lady very beautiful. She was talking to me just as a human being only thing is that I can’t see her physically. I was answering her in my mind. If I would ask any questions she answered which I could hear very clearly. The days went by. I told my sister I want to go to Attukal Bhagavathi Temple a very famous temple in Trivandrum. She immediately arranged for the same and we reached the temple. My mind told me ‘if it is some bad spirits which is haunting you, for sure it will not enter the temple”. So confidently I entered the temple. Standing before the deity I prayed with years “oh ,goddess you know everything, save me, I may be a sinner of sins please save me”. To my shock I heard a sound straight from the sanctum sanatorium “She is my sister she will be with you”.
With half belief I left the temple back to my sister’s home. My sister found a Holy Quran from my bag took it said “You don’t need it, let it be here”. I loved her so much so I could never say anything against her wishes ,so I agreed with much hesitation. In my mind rolled back, I remembered the days I spent with the Holy Quran and my Islam friends who often came to me asking me for some short writings on Holy Quran. I said in my mind”Oh,Holy Quran I love you so much, come back to me when the time comes”.
That night I left back to my home city with my wife by bus. I loved my daughters like anything, Kids they were whenever I come back home I brought them chocolates and toys as much as I can even at this stage, I did not forget or failed to bring it for them. On reaching home at the gate heard the sounds of the lady, making up mind somehow gathering all the strength of my mind together in my mind I told her “if you are my mother ,who have come to save me, stay outside ,I see you as mother kali my kids will get frightened if they see or hear your sound”. The sound of the lady agreed and gave me a promise that she will never enter the house until I say.
