From early morning I received a bunch of messages for friendship day wishes. I am happy, happy to have such people who take care for me.”, I told him. We were seating at our favorite spot. The spot is far from the city and located at the highest point of the city. Daily we loved to spend our time at this point. This is a relaxing moment. We loved to chill out. He took me to this spot after the few months of college joining. I don’t know why he is giving me that much importance but I feel special when he gives attention to me. One day, one of our mutual friends told me that he used to spend time with his friend from schooling. But some unusual happens and they both parted. After that, he didn’t allow anyone to come to close him.
“I will always be there for you whatever you need me or not. You are one of the most wonderful things that happen in my life. I love you my dearest friend”.
One of the messages from my chat, I shared with him and asked, “ isn’t it a nice one? So emotional na.”
“asked him what he wants”, he said.
“ what?”, I asked.
“Same as you heard.”
I heard, but I didn’t get what you are trying to say”, I explained.
“I just say that, asked that friend. If he needs any help? Or anything from you?”, he said.
“He is not such a selfish guy. He is a gentleman”, I said.
“maybe he is not, but as a friend he is”, /he said.
“you and your talks are out of my reach”, I giggled.
“Hahaha… See, in the world, there is no friendship without any reason. If there is no reason then there is no friendship”, he said.
“ hmmm, I do not agree with you. The friendship of board Krishna and Sudama was not based on any reason or any condition”, I said.
“ Accha.., who told you?”, he asked.
“ I heard from my grand maa”, I said.
“Then you must hear that sudama comes to Krishna’s empire to ask help. Right?”, he asked.
Right.
“In his way, he faced a lot of trouble? Even he traveled his way on foot. Right?
Ya absolutely.
“If Lord Krishna and sudama we’re good friends. If he established a good example of friendship. If Lord Krishna is God, he knows everything, then why he didn’t help sudama earlier? Why he has to ask? why he has to face trouble?”, he said.
“He is lord, sometimes he takes exams.”, I said.
“ I didn’t say that lord Krishna has some benefits from Sudama. Obviously, he didn’t. What your friend shared with you? I will be always there for you whatever you need me or not. If Lord Krishna was not there for Sudama then how a normal human can?”, he said. He added, “ I didn’t find any friend relation in Lord Krishna and Sudama. They were simple God and devote.
I don’t know what to say or how to offend him. But I do not agree with him.
“ Leave it, it’s beyond your reach”, he said. Maybe he found that I don’t have anything to say.
Friends in need are friends indeed. Happy friendship day”, I read out loud, another message.
“All fucking fools”, he vowed.
Now I can’t control. I want to know what he thinks about friendship. Why he become aggressive on friendship. Even he didn’t want to hear that word. Word asked directly, “ why you hate friends?
“When I said I hate?”, he questioned me for my question.
“ you didn’t say directly, but what you are saying about friendship it revels that”, I said.
“I said what is practical”, he said.
“May be. But there must some scenes with you”, I said.
“ No, I don’t have nay. I don’t like to have many friends, or maybe I don’t want any”, he said.
His answer shocked me. If he doesn’t want my then why I am here? Why I am his first choice to share any good or bad news? Why does he call me first when he is in any trouble? Why he shares deep core secrets with me? Why he chooses me to share his favorite spot with me? Why he engaged in a fight with that rowdy when he is mocking on me? Why he protect me? Along with me why he cares for my family? What am I to him?
“ But, I like to have real friends. Like you. I need you….. Maybe”, his words break my chain of thought process. I ignored the “maybe”, he needs me is enough to feel special.
“why you need me?”, /My tongue sleeps. Then after I realize I should not utter this. If he need then he needs matter over. But what can I do now? I can’t take my words back.
“I don’t know, but I need you. Your presence makes me comfortable”, he said.
I don’t know what to say but what he says makes me feel special. Among that bunch of wishes this words are more valuable for you. This touched to my heart.
“Ok I are with you. But tell me what’s the real friendship?”, I asked.
“I don’t know. But yes, I didn’t believe in this shot. I believe that no one is capable to be a real friend. Not even me. Look at me. I am your friend. Why? Because I know whenever I need you, you will always be there for me. Whenever you go, you are just a call away.”, /he said.
“But that the bond we share”, I said.
“No, it’s not. It’s my personal advantages which I find in you”, he said.
“I am selfish, I am worthless. I didn’t deserve anything”, he murmured. I heard his words but I pretend that I didn’t.
After some time when I look at him, I found he is crying. I didn’t see this version of him before.
“Heeey……”, I supposed to console him but before that, he started to say, “ why? why he can do this to me? He knows that I don’t have anyone as a friend expect him. But thereafter he left me. Why? Because of the silly reason. He found a girl of his dream. First, he reduces to talk to me. I think he may be busy with his collage work. I didn’t mind it. Then I come to know that he is in love with that girl. I was happy but more than that I hurt, I hurt because I got this news from his friend, not by him. Thereafter, I tried to talk with him. He replied he was busy, he will call me afterward, and unfortunately, that time didn’t come. I can understand he may be busy with his dream. But where fuck I am? He reduces to call me. He reduces to meet me. Before that, he understands everything even before my words. But now he didn’t after my words also, or maybe he didn’t try. Once I think he may be in some trouble. Then why I am here? Let me know, I will help you, as I deed always. I also face failure. I need you. I was dying to talk to you. I have many things to share. Unfortunately, you were not there. I was alone fucking with my loneliness. You don’t know what the hell I face without you. I want you as a witness of my every victory, every failure. But you were busy. You were not with me. Thnx to these men, he is always with me. He stood always beside me. Even he didn’t know what I am suffering after he always supported me. Only because of you I can’t trust him. Not only him, but I also can’t trust anyone. I can’t trust friendship. Whenever I try to trust him, your thought comes to me. Even today I am waiting for you. Your response. I won’t my answers? I want to know the meaning of your promises…..
He continues to talk. I know he is not speaking all this. His frustration, speaks on behalf of him. He already suffered a lot. I don’t know what to do. So, I hugged her. That what I can do at that time. Maybe at that time, he realized that he is not lone and he ran a full stop to his words. He can only say, “ sorry, I didn’t mean it”.
“you mean it bro, whatever you are saying is from your heart. Don’t worry I didn’t misunderstand it”, I said
“ Thnx”, he said.
“Pain of losing a friend is equal to the pain of break up. I understand that. Don’t worry my dear, I am always there for you. You do not need to trust me, I have trust in you”, I said.
We both laugh. I see a different kind of refreshment in his laughter. He is relaxed now. His heart pops out what he is carrying. I learn what real friendship is.
