My love for English Language - 1 books and stories free download online pdf in English

Chapter 1

Introduction

I don’t know whether this book will be of any help to you or not. I don’t know who should read this book or not. I only know one thing. I have witnessed many individuals who fail to master this language for some stupid reasons. My intent to write this book is to tell you that you are stopping yourself from learning it. Nobody else is doing it. Your lack of confidence is the major hurdle in your success. Then second problem that you need to cater is lack of awareness. The times have changed but did you change? I want you to change your working principles, dogmas, your sense of learning, everything that is archaic, especially, those things that don’t let you grow.

I don't remember exactly when I got this craze or love for the language ENGLISH. Now, when I start to think, it looks as if I have always been like this. My journey in life in relation with English Language may inspire or activate many aspirants who think English is not their forte. They can't do it. They are no good with this one. No matter how much effort I put in, they never believe in themselves.

My attempt at writing this book is to tell you that whether English or any other language it may be. It is not that difficult to excel as you think. You just need to develop a teachable attitude and all will fall in place.

Before I dwell into my life I would request (urge) all of you to try and read this piece in one go. You can even take a notebook and a pen if you feel like. Though this isn't a grammar guide or a thesaurus, it has many grammar lessons and vocabulary exercises. These lessons and exercises are here just to facilitate you and remind you that ENGLISH IS EASY. You don't have to be frightened of it for any reason.

Now let’s start the story.

I was born in a small village Mirgwan in Hardoi District, Uttar Pradesh. I don’t even remember the aesthetics of the village. I have been there many times but never have I taken a trip of the birthplace. My grandfather was in Uttar Pradesh Provincial Armed Constabulary (UP-PAC) so our family was there only for a brief period of time. Later they shifted to Rudrapur also in Uttar Pradesh (now in Uttrakhand). My parents tell the story of their wedding, their life and the stay there. They also have memories of Mirgwan. But I don’t feature in any of those.

My father was in Army so we had to re-locate many times. My memory of childhood begins somewhere in Delhi in an Army Quarter. Yes, that’s what they call it there. But those memories are blur. Even if I try to dig into my brain, only incomplete images pop out of my mind. Those were the days when I had no pressure of study, did not know what life is, what is money and many other questions which are important now. Of course, I was a toddler then. My mother narrates my naughty stints of that time. Then my brain flashes me to Farukkhabad another city in Uttar Pradesh. This is where my schooling started. I still remember the name of the school, “The Great Public School” I was a brilliant child then. The head master was very happy with me especially my English. I still remember his face. I haven’t met him since. I was in that school till second standard. Yes, I remember it correctly. As I have already told you about my father’s job. I had to re-locate to Secundrabad, Andhra Pradesh (now in Telangana). My father’s vision was to enroll me in Army School (Now Army Public School). As you can see lot of places have changed their origin, but since childhood memories are very close to our heart, it hurts when we see that the name has been changed. Nevertheless, let’s focus on the story. My father was very confident that I would easily get into that school because my Head Master in the school in Farukkhabad was so confident of me. But there was an entrance test as it is in all the good schools.

Guess what, I failed the test. And can you guess, in which subject? ENGLISH! Yes, English. The subject I enjoyed so much. The subject for which my Head Master spoke highly of me. I failed in that. I was supposed to get admission for third standard but because of my low score, I was detained in Class 2. I had to repeat the class. Now, when my father compared the two cities and their education standard, he was positive that all went well as, if I had got admission in the third standard, I might not be able to cope with (Not cope up with) the syllabus. And, he was right. I passed the class with flying colours. The teachers there were so caring and helpful that I sometimes feel that I should find them on Facebook or any other platform. Not only in class 2, but also in all the standards. It was magic then. When I am writing this, I am getting nostalgic. I am getting lost in the thoughts. But let’s continue…

The feeling that I was good at English language started fading as now I had many friends and they kept me busy in many action-filled and thrilling activities. Before the assembly could start, we used to get involve in fun and frolic and subsided our play once the assembly started. Then we used to wait for our lunch time to commence. Leaving aside our books hither and thither, we went out to play. We played tiffin cricket and sometimes leg cricket. The ball was made of a sheet of paper, scrambled and made to look spherical. Then we used to tape it all and now it was ready to play. Since the ball was made of paper, it could not bounce so the bowler did not pitch it. We used to through it under arm and the batsman had to hit it with full might and whosoever caught the ball got the chance to bat next. It was fun. Once I was in a playful mood more than normally, I used to be. I took a stone and threw towards Nimolak, who was the batsman then, the stone hit his thumb and he started bleeding. Soon I started realizing how bad my decision was. It wasn’t funny anymore. I regretted the whole day. Nirmolak was a good guy, he did not say anything to me. Days went by and we forgot about the incident but I never repeated the same thing ever again. I was not a very good student ever in my life, nor am I today. I’m just an average student getting average score every time. Soon, a new boy came to our class. His name was SANTOSH GIRI. He was brilliant in studies. When there was a PTM in the school. All the parents used to come with their children (ward) and go happy. Giri’s mother used to complain that Giri did not eat if he got less marks than his expectations. We used to get shocked in how can that happen. He was a very good friend of mine. We used to go in the same school bus and used to live in the same locality. One day, when we were returning from the school in the school bus, one boy out of accident hit the drawing compass in his eye. It was fatal. He missed many weeks of study. But did not lose touch with studies. He still got good grades in the final examination.

But that did not inspire me to study hard for more than a week. After a week, I would go back to my routine. Play as much as I could, complete my homework and sing whole day.

I still remember to cheat in Class 6. That I will come to later. When I was in Class 5. There was a new English Teacher. She was just like Miss. Braganza in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai – a movie. If I remember her name correctly, it was Miss. Lilly. She did not like students calling her madam or ma’am or teacher. She asked all of us to call her by her name “Miss Lilly”. At that time, it seemed as if there was a breath of fresh air in the school. All our senior boys use to roam around our classes though their wing was far away. At that age, it was very difficult to understand that emotion. I still remember, there was a girl in my class. Her name was Preeti. One day, when we were returning to class after the assembly, we were in queue. Suddenly, out of the blue, a senior boy went by her, held her by her face and planted a kiss on cheek. We all froze at that moment. Raja Shekhar, my classmate also blurred, haaaw! Kissa! (Telugu Dialect). It was very difficult to digest for all of us because we were curious as to what happened there. So, I asked my bench mate, her name was also Preeti, Preeti Rawat, “What happened? Who was that boy?” She started giggling and coyly said, “Go and ask for yourself.” But I did not dare to ask Preeti. Next day, that boy again came to our wing. I don’t remember which teacher was in the class then, but we all were ogling out of the window to know, what will he do next? But nothing went as we were thinking. After some days, he came to our class. He stood at the door, and took permission from the class teacher. The teacher permitted him. He went near the teacher and said, “Madam, please send Preeti home. This is the application.” The Class teacher took and application, read it well and asked, “Preeti, come here!” “Do you know him?” She replied, “Yes, madam, He is bhayia. He lives near our house.” That was the moment when, all were relieved. The curiosity then took rest. It wasn’t that I had any feelings for her or any other thing of that sort. But we had never seen a kiss with our naked eyes. We saw it in movies, but happening just a few meters from you, was a million-dollar question. Now back to Miss Lilly…

She was very different from the other teachers. Till then, we were allowed pens to write. So, we had a black and a blue pen. Black one for the question and the blue one, for the answer. But her method was totally different. She asked us to write the questions with red pen. I still remember, it was Stick Easy. We loved the idea. One day, she was teaching Direct and Indirect Sentences. She gave a few direct sentences to change them into indirect ones. Many of my classmates struggled to convert them, but it was very easy for me. I did it with ease.

She asked in the class, who has done it. I was always the first one to raise my hand. She was so impressed with me that she called me to her desk and patted on my shoulder and also pulled my cheek. It was a happy moment for me. All my classmates were again, Haaw! I don’t know, if this was the moment when love for English grew in me or before this or after this. I have no clue but then just two or three months before the final examinations, the principal ma’am visited our class. The Principal came to our class, and went to all the students and spoke to us. It was like we were meeting a celebrity. We were so happy. She asked us many questions ranging from study to sports to hobbies etc. We enjoyed a lot. A few of my classmates were good at singing so they sang also. Till then, I did not know, if I could sing well. I’ll open this chapter too.

Then she asked all of us. “Do you have mentors for subjects?” We were clueless. We had never heard that word before. So, she explained, that there are five subjects: English, Hindi, Maths, Science, and Social Science. So We should have mentors for each subject, The one who was good in that subject will be the mentor. I don’t remember the others, but I was the mentor for English Subject. That was a proud moment for me because till then, I was just an average student, who got average scores in all the subjects. With this new venture, my English improved a great deal along with other subjects. Except Maths. I was not bad at it, but was still struggling. So, I went to Pamil, the mentor for Maths. She was very good at it. Not that she was bad at the other subjects. She was equally good at other subjects as well. She helped me out in Maths quite well. I went to her for maths problems. And other students came to me with their problems in English. I was enjoying this session. It gave me a sense of authority. As they say, leadership qualities will only show in you when you are given an opportunity. So, may be this was my moment when I was presented an opportunity to showcase my skills as a mentor. Then came class 6, when we were told that we are grown-ups and we should behave in that way. We were given more responsibilities and tasks for the school. All the students were divided into four houses. Meera (Blue), Rahim (Red), Kabir (Yellow), and Tulsi (Green). I was in Rahim House. All the activities were done under houses and at the end of the year, the house with most points, would be considered the house of the year.

I participated in a few of the activities. I participated in Relay race, we did not win, I participated in frog race, we did not win. So, I had lost interest in sports by then. Then came drawing competition. This was different. I liked sketching and drawing. The topic was, “Fair in a village”. I went home and thought that I need to do something, so I asked my mother to help me. She was good at painting. I was week at that. So, she made a very beautiful painting, in which I had no hand. I didn’t even help her one bit. Then next day, I presented it in the school. Our Arts Sir, Mr. Poddar saw it and asked me, “Did you make this?” I was taken aback (surprised at the questions). I fumbled and said, YES! I knew it was wrong to say so. I did not know what prevailed over me. But I maintained that authority. Guess what! The painting won the first prize. Sir called me, and again asked me the same question. “Who made this?” I again said, “I did sir.”

He said, “I know you did not make this. Did your mother made this?” I replied, “No, she just helped me do some of the things.” I lied again. Deep inside I knew I was going into deep trouble. This was perhaps the only time I had cheated. After a few days, I was awarded the First Prize in the assembly in front of the whole school. It was a One thirty Rupees cheque. I was very happy. Back then, I did not get any money from my parents. But students use to get pocket money. I thought that they belonged to a very rich family. I was not one of them. So, these one thirty rupees looked a hell lot of money. I started planning in my head what to buy. I had no idea, how little that money was. Soon that dream was shattered, as the teacher came to me and said that this cheque will work only in a stationery shop, that was in Hyderabad. I don’t remember the name of the shop but it was a huge shop. I haven’t seen any shop till now that is so big. I was puzzled because there were so many things to buy. It was not just a stationery shop. It was also a toy shop. So, I jumped from one toy to another. Like any other boy, I was more interested in toys that in books. So, after a long struggle, I bought a DCM Truck, which had three five-star chocolates in its trailer. I was very happy. That toy worked on a principal called Turbo. I played with it all day. The chocolates were finished in a day. Soon everything went normal. But the storm was yet to come and I did not see that coming. A few days past. Nothing happened. I also went normal. Then there was an announcement. A drawing competition. The topic was- Draw the principal. I said to myself. Oh no! Not again. I stopped drawing after that incident. Then I thought that this was destined to happen. This is happening because I had lied. God is punishing me. I had no courage to tell anyone. Not even my friends. But I never ever lied to my mother. So, I told her everything. She did not help me this time like the previous time. She asked me to practice the photo many times. I was good at drawing so she believed that I would be able to excel it. But I had only a week’s time so I had hardly any time to practice. Moreover, I was average in drawing too. I tried hard but couldn’t make a good image of the principal. The day came. All were asked to sit in the assembly ground and given time to finish the competition. I started drawing the image. It was awful. Horrible in fact. I knew I had messed it up. The day ended. Someone else got the first prize. All clapped for him. May be a worthy winner this time. But Poddar sir did not say anything to me. Please don’t think that he was a bad teacher. In fact, he was a great teacher. As I have already told you, all my teachers were great. May be all teachers know their students in and out like he knew me. He may have wanted a right person to bore away the prize. He was right. I was wrong. I did not even have the courage to apologize to him. I never had. Soon time healed everything. Life went to normal again. Soon Poddar sir left the school and there was a new art teacher. And, we had to re-locate to Lucknow (Remember, my father was in Army).

We loved the city and the school so we were reluctant to leave Secunderabad. Even my mother did not see our future in Lucknow. The reason was clear. Lucknow was in Uttar Pradesh and there were many relatives there. Once we were there, the relatives would keep coming to our place quite often. Whereas, in Secunderabad, relatives were there only in summer vacation or we used to go to theirs in summer vacation. So, we did not want to go to Lucknow. But we had no other option but to leave Secunderabad.

On arriving Lucknow, the railway station looked like a palace. I was surprised because I was thinking that we were going to a village from a city. But the railway station changed my opinion all of a sudden. Let me tell you one thing. There in Secunderabad, we were residing in cantonment and everywhere cantonments look similar. So, when we arrived at our quarter, it didn’t seem as if we were in a new place. After a few days, I went to school. The first day was rough. The school was no where close to Army School, Secunderabad. It was a small school. Students were less disciplined. Moreover, cuss words prolific. I had never heard them in Secunderabad. So, it was quite annoying for me. But one thing went well. The English class. The night before, I read the first chapter of the English Textbook and wrote the answers to the questions. But here, in Lucknow, the teacher dictated the answers to all the questions. So, when I told the teacher that I had written the answers. She was surprised and the students were shocked. First they giggled as if they were saying to each other, “Zyaada smart ban raha hai.” (Trying to be smart). The teacher gave a good look at them and saw me. She asked me my name and pointed me to all the students. Look at him, he is just one day old in our class but he has written all the answers himself and all of them are correct. She ticked the pages with a red pen and also gave a star. I was very happy but at the same time, was a little bit surprised as I used to do in my previous school. There, this practice was a common practice. The teacher expected us to do so. But here, the students were not expected to do any of that. So, it also gave me a sense of authority over the rest of the class. The day ended and I was very happy.

The next day, it was horrible. The school bus dropped us at the school quite early today. So, we had plenty of time before the assembly began. There was a mango tree nearby and a few boys had climbed the tree and were trying to pluck some mangoes. So, I went there. Just when I stood there watching them do their things, a mango fell in front of me. It was a small mango. I picked it up. Suddenly a boy nearby shouted at me. Leave my mangoes. They are mine. I said, I found it so it is mine now. Then he told the boy who was there on the tree. He said to him, “Dekh ye zyaada smart ban raha hai. Bolta hai ye aam usey mila to uska ho gaya.” (Look this boy is acting smart. He says since he got this mango, it was his) The boy on the tree asked to stop me (isko padak ke rakh, main abhi aata hoon). He held me from behind. Since was he was a grown-up boy (almost a man) he was stronger than me so I couldn’t fee myself from him. But I was not frightened. I kept fighting. The boy came down and said, “So, this mango belongs to you?” I said, “Yes.” “How? Please explain. I plucked it from the tree and you say it is yours.” He said. I replied, “It fell in front of me, so it is mine.” “So, you won’t give it back?” Je asked in a stern voice. I replied, “No,” He asked that other boy to hold me tight and picked a stick lying nearby. I held the mango in my fist. First, he tried to unclench my fist but he was not successful in that. Then he said, “I am asking you for the last time, Will you hand over the mango or not?” Now it was a matter of pride for me and I felt a little heroic inside. I thought I was winning. But soon he hid my hand with that stick. It hit hard but I did not open my fist. He hit me again. It pained more. But then when he was about to hit the third time. I threw the mango far away. Since our school was also in the cantonment area. It was fenced with barb wire. The other side were barracks where the army men lived. The mango went to that side of the land. Now, it was impossible for them to retrieve the mango from that area. So he piqued and threw me on the ground. My clothes were all pained in mud. But thank god, it wasn’t happening in Secunderabad because the mud there had stones. If you fell down there, you would have got scratches all over your body and blood pouring from them. But none happened here. The soil was very good. But later he kicked me also. I again thought not giving him that mango and not surrendering to his demands, was a victory for me. Later when the school was over and we were going home, it was a struggle to get a good seat in the bus. It was not a bus actually. In the army, it is called three-ton with Shaktiman written on its bonnet. So, many others used to call it Shaktiman truck. It was open from the front and the back, rest all was closed. So, all wanted to stand at the front, or sit at the back but that was not easy. It was a tough competition. Our bus had two trips and our turn was on the second trip. So, I thought to board the bus on the first trip and then when it was empty, I would take my desired place. But as I stepped in the bus, I was again in a scuffle. This time the fight was with some of the Nepalese students, They were muscularly build and soon one of them recognized that I was not from their bus. They informed the conductor. He reprimanded me but since the bus was on a move and we went far away from the school he did nothing. They boys were not appeased with this. So, they started teasing me, pulling my hair and clothes. Soon, I became agitated so I revolted. This was the moment they were waiting for. They held me from left, right and center and punched me in the stomach. That punch was so hard that I couldn’t breathe for a few minutes. Soon, the conductor saw us, he came quickly to us and rescued me from them. But started scolding me only. Since I was in unbearable pain, I paid no heed to whatever he said. This taught me a lesson the hard way. “Have patience”, This was my first and last time when I tried to be smart. Now I got the desired seat when the bus reached the school for the second trip but it was not that sweet a journey that I thought it to be. I kept cursing myself for that decision. Any how that day ended but now I was thinking that the decision of coming to Lucknow was a horrendous. It was a bad city with bad people, wanting to hurt you for even petite things. Then one day, the notice came to change the building. Now, after the summer vacation, we will be going to a new campus which was bigger than this one. The effect of newness is always exciting. So, all of us were excited to go to the new campus. Although, I kept missing my old school in Secunderabad. After the summer vacation, the school resumed. We went to our respected classrooms. It was an abandoned barrack. And the whole school was that only. The barracks were very far away from each other. But we had a larger playground. That was very good. One day, in the lunch when I with some of my classmates was playing pakadam-pakdai. I accidently hit one of the seniors. He used a cuss word to stop me. I stopped running and said, “Sorry, I was in a hurry.” For that he kicked me, I fell down. I got up with tears in my eyes. And, again, that feeling prevailed over me. I belonged to Army School R K Puram Secunderabad. I missed that school dearly. No one treated me there in such a manner ever, I was in shatters and never wanted to go to school ever. But I did not tell this to anyone. I started living in a shell. A cocoon where, I kept dreaming of going back to Secunderabad. My grades went low. Soon that affected my personal being also. I kept staying alone. In Secunderabad, when any student said any cuss word, he was supposed to be a bad person and all used to make distance from him. But here, in Lucknow, even the topper boys used to cuss so openly that it seemed quite normal to abuse. It confused me. I even remember to call my mother to school because one boy had abused me. So she came to complain. The teacher looked quite helpless as if he was saying, “How can I help in this one?” I knew I was alone in this storm. I will have to battle all by myself. Soon I learnt to make peace with it. Those cuss words were no more alien to my ears. I was not showing surprise or shock while someone blurred those cuss words. I started living with this fact that people generally abuse for no reason. Soon, I also admitted that there was no chance that I can go back to Secunderabad. So, I started living with this fact that I will have to stay in Lucknow and study in this school only. There in Secunderabad I was average in Maths but here in Lucknow I went a few steps down. I started failing in the tests. Our Maths Teacher, Mr. Prakash Pandey told my mother that I had to work hard to get a good score in Maths. It wasn’t that I wasn’t working hard. I will not lie to you. I did not pay attention to my studies. All I did was play and play so the result did not improve. It continued to dip. Though I felt bad on seeing the score but that pain faded away in a few days. All then I did was play and play. As if I was thinking that everything will be normal without any effort. And, that thought was fanned by the school also. The school kept promoting me and I started believing that this would continue. I was so proud of myself that my class matched the year. I was in 2nd in 92, in 3rd in 93, in 4th in 94 and so on…

It was for the first time that I passed in Maths. The class was 9th and it was in my unit test. Out of 50 I scored 22, if I remember it correctly. I was elated. Now pride in me was back and my thoughts started coming back to me. 99 mein 9th aur 2000 mein 10th. But that happiness did not last long. There was a shock yet to be faced. In the next class, the English teacher was about to reveal our marks in English test. I was dame confident that I would have scored more than any other student in the class. But everything shattered all of a second. I started doubting myself. I even thought of quitting studies. My parents started scolding me more than usual. They even compared my marks in Secunderabad and those in Lucknow.

I had thought of telling to my parents that I do not want to study. My parents said only one thing- Study till class 12th then do what you want. But for me, 12th was miles away. I wasn’t able to see myself crossing even 10th. At the end of the year, my class 9th results were out and the report card read “FAIL”. I was heart-broken. It refused to accept. The case was different this time. This was the first time I had tried to pass. I studied for long hours and the results were good. I secured more than 50%. But the school had other plans. They had a new level to pass. Earlier, a student had to score 33% or more to pass but for us the level was 60%. I remember, I had cried that day because I knew the value of my hard work and how much pain I had taken. Earlier, I wasn’t involved so the result did not affect me. But this time it was different. A few days, I did not go to school. My parents tried hard to convince the school but they were reluctant. Then they were thinking to change the school. But all these years I was in Army School so I could not think myself associating with any other school. So after sometime, we decided to continue in the same school. It was a very emotional decision but I persisted with it.

After a few days, I started going to school. I think this was the time when I started becoming introvert. My eyes tried to scan through people if they were gossiping about me. My heart was racing and mind was throbbing. With each step, it was getting difficult to walk. Soon, I was in front of my class. The gate read, 9th C. I was disappointed then I looked to the other side. There were my ex-classmates walking out of 10th A & 10th B. I was shameful as if I had something heinous. Though, failing can not be categorized as the act of bravery yet I wanted people to sympathize with me. So many things were going inside me and none could I control. After some time, it was time for assembly. All gathered in the ground for the prayer and all the classes were aligned in queues with respect to their classes. First, second, third…. Ninth and tenth. So, I was in a queue beside my ex-classmates. They were very happy to be promoted to the next class. Some of them ignored me and some of them whispered among themselves and some even made fun of me. I could not say a word. All I was thinking was to get away from all these things because I did not like any of that treatment. I was unable to focus on my present. I was determined to change my past which was impossible. Soon, the assembly ended and we were asked to go to our respective classes so we all marched to our classes. On entering the class, we sat on our respective benches. All the students who were detained were spoiled. They were poor in more than one subjects and I was only poor in Maths. This way, I consoling myself and keeping my head high in the class. Then I heard some of the students talking about a class test in Maths. As I have already told you, I had passed in Maths exam but according to the new rule, I had to secure more than 60% overall which I couldn’t. So, I asked them, “Which chapter?”

They said, “Algebra.” I was elated in my mind as I had practiced that so much that I was very confident that I was able to crack that test very easily. So, it went as I was thinking. Out of 20 marks, I got 16. This was a happy moment for me which came after so many days. With this, I started thinking that this may be a windfall. This way I will be able to get more knowledge and command over all the subjects. Slowly my confidence came back. I also became a part of the class. They were my junior but they did not disrespect or insult me for failing in the class. And, when anyone would ask me, “hey, in which class are you in?” I would reply, “9th Second Year. They used to get confused but did not ask me anything because they were pretending to know everything. This gave me an edge over them. Now, I knew, I could not change my past but my future. My attitude will be very important in that process. Throughout the academic year, I maintained my score and then it was time for the final exams. They also went well. The teachers were very happy with my improvement. They even told that to my parents. They started loving me like before. I also started believing in myself. Now, it was results Day. My father and I went to school to collect the progress report. My father used to be very angry then. So, I was very afraid of him. On the way, I was thinking what would happen. Soon, we reached the school. My heart-beat was thumping and I was cold. We reached the class. There was a gathering of students who surrounded the class teacher at one end of the room. All the students were getting their progress report one by one. Then, it was my turn. I greeted the class teacher. He smiled at me and said. Our decision was right. You needed a kick start. I was confused. Should I celebrate or should I feel remorseful. Then he took out my report card and turned it towards us. I straight searched for the final remark. It read, “PASS”. On seeing the remark, I went on to see my score in Maths, it read 56 out of 100. Though, I wasn’t happy with that score as I thought that I had done better than that. Can you believe me, I, who never used to get passing marks, am complaining about satisfaction? This was the time, I remembered Santosh Giri, who used to get upset and stopped eating when he did not score according to his expectation. My thoughts were that I will do the same because I also did not score according to my expectations. My father was also very happy. We then came out of the room and my father hugged me and said, “Your hard work has finally reaped good dividend.” This was the second moment, when I got emotional and tears rolled down my cheek. By then, mobile phones had not been invented so my mother had to wait for us to reach home. On hearing the news, she was also happy. But that happiness did not last long. After a few days, our session for class 10th started. All went well at the start. My score was good in all the subjects and this had made me go easy on my preparations. I soon forgot that my carelessness has resulted in my failure in class 9th and this could happen again. The second Unit Test gave me a glimmer of what was next to follow, if I did not introspect. But this time, I awoke well in time. I started paying attention to my studies and spending long hours on reading lessons. There were many factors that brought my downfall in class 9th but at that age, you are either in a good company or in a bad one. You don’t realize what’s right or wrong. But in my case, I wasn’t in a bad company. I fact, I was in no company. But play gave me so much pleasure that I forgot everything. This happens with me now also. If you give me a red leather ball, it will bring me joy of another level. I start imagining that I am in a cricket field and bowling in-swing, out-swing, spin and all kinds of balls. Only a cricketer would understand that. To be frank, Cricket has spoiled careers of many Indians and I can say, I am one of them. I don’t know reasons for others but I have my reasons. I loved Cricket so much that I wanted to shape my career in that sports only but I had no knowledge of the process nor I had anyone who knew about the process nor I had any courage to ask anyone. All I did was to play with children of our locality and used to get happy. The result was evident. It helped me neither in improving my studies nor did it became my career. But I did not want to repeat class 10th. But my trouble with Maths started haunting me again. Now, Maths was not the only subject that I was struggling with. There was Physics, Chemistry and Biology too. All four subjects were important and I was also trying hard but somehow, I couldn’t translate my hard work into score. All I was getting just average scores in all these subjects. I was scoring good marks in English, Hindi, Geography, History and Civics but poor scores in all the main subjects. Teachers used to keep me punished for not completing my homework as most of the things I could not understand, I was unable to complete my homework. Then, there was Lab Manual and Viva also making my life miserable. English was the only subject where I was getting the score that I could boast about. But Tabassum, one girl in our class, started getting better score than me. So, that also started haunting me. There were pre-board exams before the main board exam in March. And, the principal had informed us very clearly that if they find that we are not getting marks up to the standard, they would not allow us admit cards. But they did not give up on us. We had, If I remember correctly, five pre-boards. And the teachers worked tirelessly to give us that edge. I am thankful to all my teachers. They were simply amazing. I cleared my Board exam with good marks. Maths was the only subject with a low score of 46 but I had crossed that hurdle which looked impossible. The teachers gave us clear instructions that we could choose either Commerce or Arts but not Science. There was also career Counselling in the school where I was told to do Mass Communication. That looked fascinating and I started dreaming of pursuing the course. But for that I had to enroll in a good school for 11th and 12th as our school was only till 10th.

I wanted to enroll for commerce so I went to many schools but I was not satisfied with any of them. Then, one of my friends suggested Bal Vidya Mandir where he had studied. The school looked good but their cut-off was high. I had secured 62.04% but they wanted more so that option was not in my favor. I came back home with no more options in sight. Then there was a school just 2 km away from home, APS Academy. I went there and I asked for commerce but they said, they had only two streams science and arts. The principal succeeded in convincing me to go for science stream instead of commerce. I don’t know why but I was convinced. Within a few days of my admission, I started to believe that this was the worst decision of my life. Generally, I don’t grumble at the situation or the people but this time I will have to. There in Army school, I could pass 10th because the teachers knew us and they were determined to make us able to succeed. But here it was different. The teachers believed in giving homework. This was the only solution they had for all your troubles. Science was such an interesting subject but here the teacher only used to translate from English into Hindi. Be it biology, Physics or Chemistry. All the teachers used the same pedagogy. I had opted for PCB + Computer which was a very bad choice because there was no teacher for Computer. The teachers used to take tuition classes besides the school. And most of our classmates used to go to them. The teacher would teach them in their tuition and used to teach the same topic in the class. This way, those students used to answer quickly even before some of the intelligent students of the class. We knew there was something fishy. We could smell the rat because those students, everybody knew, did not attend most of the classes and even if they did, did not pay any attention. They used to trouble the other students. I accept that I was not very studious but if teachers paid no heed to their students even the good will perish. So, the average and the good students including me got to the conclusion that we needed to take tuition classes too but not from them as they neither taught well nor were up to the mark. They favored those students too much. And, most importantly, we had to deal with the board exams later. So, we all went to tuition classes. I went for Physics classes and later for Chemistry too. I could see the stark difference in the pedagogy of the two. I started believing that I could pass the board exams quite easily. But then for some reason, the chemistry teacher stopped teaching. So, we had to search for a new teacher. Without the teacher, organic and inorganic chemistry looked lethal. It looked scary. I would not dare to pick the book. Soon, Anuj found a teacher in Bangla Bazaar, near my home. But there was a problem, he told. The teacher used to give vulgar examples to explain the concepts of chemistry. I was shocked to hear that. I had heard my classmates use that foul language to describe the opposite sex and their talks include the word SEX. I never enjoyed to hear that kind if stuff and when you come to know that a teacher uses such language to explain chemistry, you will want to know. So, I was eager to know. I went there to attend the demo class. The class was fantastic. He rarely used any such words or maybe I had missed them. But after one or two classes, he started using such absurd examples. He once said, it would be difficult for all you to learn Chemistry without such examples. But I did not like that method, maybe I was too old for that kind of method. So, now I was again without the teacher. Then, an idea popped out of my mind. “Why not study on your own?” So, I went to the market and bought S. Chand books on Physics, Chemistry and Biology and I was set to begin studying. That night, I still remember I was awake till 4 o, clock. In fact, most nights after that I was mostly awake. I was feeling good that now I had something extra to cater to. The books had questions and answers which made life simple for me because now I knew where to focus. Soon, my tests started showing positive growth. I was sure that I could clear the final exam and exactly as I was thinking, happened in the final exam. I cleared the exam with just above average marks. The marks were satisfactory for me, because I knew I had deserved that much only. Now, it was 12th standard. I knew I had to push my limits to get even average marks. I had seen the books and I also knew my capacity. How much I could toil, I knew. So, I thought to change the stream. Since, my school had only two streams, Science, and Arts so thought to choose Arts. But I was not courageous enough to tell that to my parents. So, I had to persist with Science stream. Soon, the session began. It was evident that the teachers had nothing new to offer. They were going their way which I never understood. So, again I had only two options. One, coaching classes and two, self-study. But this time, nothing went my way. Back then, I was also home sick so if it was dark in the evening, I wanted to rush home. I used to get very worried. So, taking class after 6 PM was I could never afford. In most of the tests that happened in the session were testimonials of my drastic performance. I even got myself registered in the bad books of the principal. I remember, She was once scolding our class for performing badly in the half-yearly. I sat in the front row. She looked at me and said, “I thought you are like your face, innocent, but didn’t know you were among these hooligans.” She even slapped me as she went past me. That may be her frustration because apart from failing in the tests, which was the case with almost entire class, I hadn’t done anything. After that, I gathered some courage and went to her. I requested her to change the stream or at least let me choose Hindi for Computer. Computer was another subject which haunted me whole day. First, there was no teacher for the subject and second, how could you learn C++ without the teacher. We even went to her for the computer teacher, but she paid no heed. Ok, let’s get back to my story. So, when I told her about my situation, she was so relaxed and said, “If you don’t study, how do you think you can pass?” She refused to register that I am facing trouble in understanding the subjects. In her opinion, I was making excuses. So, she rejected my application.

Now I had no other option but to try more. No matter how much I tried; I could not understand Science. Then I gave up. I paid little interest in my studies and started focusing on cricket, singing, and drawing. However, I couldn’t persist with that too. My marks came in my way. All the tests after that showed poor score. I was again getting scolded by everyone. My parents, my teachers, even my neighbors also kept comparing my marks with those of their children. How studious their children were, and how dumb I was. I used to get pissed off but I knew I had nothing to counter-argue. So, I did not give them back. I knew my board exam result many weeks before it could start. The result did not affect me. I knew which subjects I was good at and which I wasn’t. So, I failed in Chemistry, Physics, and Computer. By now, I had given up on all the plans that I had in 10th class. The world looked mean to me, with no care or empathy towards me. All were so against me that I started thinking that I was a criminal. I again started to go into a shell. In this shell, I had no friends, no enemies, no mentor, nothing. I did not trust anyone with my emotional speeches. People looked fake to me. I was terrified as my future looked dull. I used to think that I was fit for nothing. There was nothing in this world that I could do right. My parents were more worried than me because all the other students had either passed the boards or moved on and re-enrolled in the same school. But I did not want to study Science again because I knew, I wasn’t meant to do that. I was persistent that I would only study commerce or arts if I again got admission in any school. My parents, I thought understood me and agreed on that. We went to numerous schools but no school wanted to accept a failed student. All saw me as a waste of time. They did not want to invest in me. We even went to the National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS). The institute showed us huge prospects for us in the coming future. They were expert in their field, I guess. But their talks seemed too lacy and decorated. I did not trust even a single word they said. I could not afford to take a chance. So, we browsed more in the newspapers. One more thing, someone had suggested us that NIOS had a lower valuation in comparison with regular school. I was then surer not to choose NIOS. After a few days, in a newspaper advertisement, we found GOODLUCK Coaching in Charbagh which offered service for students like me. So, my mother and I went to the coaching and enquired about it. The coaching was in a school and looked in shambles as compared to the institute of NIOS. But the Head of the coaching spoke no decorated words. All he said, “We’ll do our best, it’s all him to do. If he has no interest in studies, what can we do.” That was sufficient for us. And more importantly, we were getting commerce, which I wanted in the first place. If I had got admission for Commerce Stream, none of this could have happened and today I would have been seeking admission in some college for B.Com or Mass Communication. Nevertheless, we were here to seek 12th again. The only problem now was, we were getting UP Board instead of CBSE. We thought, it is better than NIOS.

Now, I had Book Keeping & Accountancy, Business Organization, Banking, English and Hindi as my subjects. Now the life was a lot easier as I loved these subjects and I enjoyed the course too much. I never skipped a class for no reason but earlier, I used to find reasons for not going to school. A lot had changed. The students in the coaching were impressed with my English and response that I showed to them within a few weeks. Not only the teachers but also the students got closer to me. Now, I had a few friends. But that did not happen overnight. In the starting few classes, I did not talk to anybody. I sat on the very first bench. I never made an interaction with anybody. Then seeing my improvement, a boy named Rahul came and sat beside me. Initially, he did not speak to me. I thought, he was also like me. Devasted in life for people had not understood him. Then after the class, he asked for my notes. I loved this part of my studies. When someone asks you for your notes, it means they think about you as a studious one. I was happy inside but showed no excitement outside. I gave him my notes and then we began to talk normally. He used to talk to girls but by then, I had lost my confidence so much so that I had no courage to talk to girls. After a few days, one girl, Gagan asked for my notes. I did not respond to her. I had no courage to say even NO. She started murmuring. Then Rahul asked, “Why did you not answer to her question? What’s wrong?” I said nothing. I realised that when there was a girl near me, let alone she talking to me, I used to get angry. I did not understand this phenomenon. I tried hard, but it came naturally to me. The students believed that I was an arrogant person. I was too much proud of myself. They also believed that I am proud of my English that is why I did not speak to anyone. Soon, Rahul came to know me closely and he informed everyone of my so-called behavior. The ladies did not make fun of me after that. That opened me a bit. After a few days, I started talking to them and exchanging dialogues with them. We were sharing notes, jokes, and tiffins. After a few days, there was a new girl in the class. Her name was Tabinda. I remember, only a few days after her arrival, I had a verbal spat with her. I scolded her. After the class, Rahul and Gagan told me that I was rude. I was behaving like the old version of me. I don’t remember to have apologized to her, but later I never got into any heated debate with her.

The session was over, and I got my result. It read Second Division. Since it was UP Board, we were supposed to write more than required. I can recall, it was Hindi Exam. I was writing about Kabir Das. The question was of 2 marks only. In CBSE Board, if the question was of 2 marks, the answer could not be more than 30 words. So, I was done with 30 words and was re-reading it for any correction. In my opinion, I had done justice with the answer. The invigilator was passing through our row. He stopped and started reading my answer. He then asked, “Fail hona hai? Aur likho, kam se kam 500 words hone chahiye.” (Do you want to fail? Write more, at least 500 words) I was shocked. What?? 500 words for 2 marks question. Then I figured out, why were these students taking B copy or C copy, whereas, I could only fill half of A copy. I was in a fix. I had already seen how things unfold on failing. So, I couldn’t afford to fail this time. So, I began writing more but couldn’t reach more than 250 words. All I could manage was a meager 56 marks out of 100. I knew I deserved better but the satisfaction of getting through the line was so much so that I did not whine. I accepted the marks gleefully.

Now I was a free man. I had the world on my platter, at least I was thinking that. Soon, I had to visit colleges for admission for Mass Communication (Mass Comm). I visited a few schools but the fee was more than we could bear. Then someone said, you should go for Bachelor in Business Administration (BBA) but the fee there was also about the same. So, my mother said, relax and think for a while, what you want to pursue. Her calming my fidgetiness sends me into hibernation. All I did was play cricket. I even forgot that I had to go for enrollment. Soon, I got to know that seats in all the colleges were fast filling. All the colleges I went had either went ahead with their enrollment process or were in one. After a few days, I thought I would have to wait for a year. Then someone in my family told us about Vidyant Hindi Degree College. It was in Aminabad (Lucknow). The next day, I went to Aminabad it took me more than half an hour to find the college. My family had never heard of that college before and if you ever come across that area. You’ll find out that there are shops in the front and in the middle of them, there is a way that leads to the college. The college is at least 50 meters inside the way. Forst of all, it is a very busy road so only those who know that college will find it easily. It was an old building where no one had time to inform you about the enrollment process. Even the watchman looked busy. I had to ask more than three times for the office, then he answered me. This was not new to me. If you want to extract any information from someone in Uttar Pradesh, you’ll find such kind of people everywhere.

The office was behind the main building so it was evident I could not have found that all by myself. Soon, the counter clerk offered me the admission letter and asked me to submit the mark sheet and other details required to get the admission. The admission was on the merit basis and since I had secured 57.2% only I had a very thin chance of getting through. I remember to traverse the length and breadth of the city to get one good college. I even went to a law college for LLB Honours. There I was a few days older for the age criterion. So, my form was rejected there. So, this was my only hope to save the year.

Thankfully, my form in Vidyant College was accepted and I was over the moon. Then after a few days, the session began.

The college was 12 km away from home and I had a bicycle at that time so I used to get tired of reaching home. The college was quite weird. On the first day, there were about 12 students in the class, on the second day, there were only five and after a few days, there were only two boys including me. I then went to the professor, “how would the classes be scheduled?” He looked at me and asked, “Who are you?” I said, “I am a new student in B.Com's first year.” He smiled and said, “Just like today.” The frustration was clearly evident in his eyes. But he couldn’t do anything. Soon, I also got used to this system. All we did was to purchase Nurul Hasan’s guide for all the subjects. That was sufficient to pass the exam. Nobody came to college the entire year, all gathered only during the exams. Some of us also started working. I met them and their behaviors were quite erratic. I found myself to be belittled by their personas. Even when I was going back home, I was constantly thinking about them and how I could change my life. I knew our family was not well-to-do and soon I had to get into earning zone. I also wanted a job. I told this my mother. You must be thinking that my relationship with my father was strained. But as I have already told you that my father was in Army so he was mostly away from home. It was in 10th standard that when he was with me when I went to take my progress report otherwise on all the occasions I had my mother to accompany me. You will find this thing in almost all the families where the father is in Army. So, I shared everything with my mother. This time my father was there at home. I told this to my mother. She went emotional and said, “What’s the hurry? First study well, then get the job. After all you will go to job one day. SO why hurry?” I wasn’t convinced. I wanted to feel equal to all my peers in the college. When I met them, they all used to come on their bikes. Expensive watches, sunglasses. I used to get intimidated by that. I used to avoid them because I knew I had nothing to share new with them, whereas they had many stories to tell. Some of them even had girlfriends. They partied at nights and went for outings in other cities. This was another ocassion when I started becoming introvert again. I kept feeling left out and inferior to them. After three years, I completed my graduation and now it was time to go for a job. While I was in my third year of graduation, I had seen a newspaper advertisement which was releated to my commerce degree. It was Institute of Computer Accountancy (ICA). They promised to offer a job after the course was over. This looked like an opportunity of a lifetime so I tried to convince my parents about this course. At that time, I was desperate for a job. I didn’t know what I was good at. All I wanted was a job. They were convinced. Like all the parents who look future in their children, they also looked at me like that. Soon, the course started. As they say, things look great from the far away, it is only when you come near you’ll find faults in them. Same was the case with ICA. After a few months, we used to interact with some of the students who were there before our batch. They told us everything about the job prospects. The institute had no links with the big firms. They were sending students to shops and small ventures which offered them almost a handful of a salary. Even I was sent to a Chartered Accountant (CA), who wanted me to calculate the entities of all the balance sheets on calculator. Even after that, I was positive. I thought this was the first day, may be next day, he would offer me some more interesting job, but the same thing happened again. I was calculating numbers from morning to evening. There were many like me, who were doing the same thing. All we were offered samosa and tea in the lunch. No salary was promised. On the third day, I did not go to that CA. I went to ICA instead. I told them the situation. The staff told me to send me to another place where there would be a handsome salary. They asked me to wait for a few days. But their call did not come. I went back there but the staff had changed. No one recognised me. I had to produce my documents to prove that I was their student. Then I knew, it was a waste of time going there again and again. By then, I had made a few friends there. I used to stay in their contact. I went to a few places on their suggestions but either it was a data-entry job or again a CA. I wanted to work with neither of them. Like all the people, I also had dreams of doing something big. So, I started thinking about Mass Comm again. Now, I could do Post Graduation in that field. So, I researched on the web for which were the colleges that offered courses in Mass Comm. Then someone suggested to go for Common Admission Test (CAT) where I could apply for Mudra Institute of Communication and Advertising (MICA) which accepted CAT score. So, soon after the graduation, I enrolled myself in Institute for Management Studies (IMS) for CAT. Only after a few days, I got to know why CAT is rated as the toughest Management Test. I was proud of my English and I was thinking that I had only Maths and Reasoning to work. But on seeing some of the tests I got to know that I had to work hard. My being introvert also acted as a barrier in my learning. I was hesitant in asking questions to the teachers. And if I ever asked them, their explanation did not appease me. The teachers in IMS were of the thought that the students coming to take the CAT are highly qualified and they knew everything and they just needed a brush up. But the reality was different. Only a handful of students were really unmatched and the rest of us had to be given some extra time. After a year, I took CAT, XAT, ATMA, IBSAT, and TISS, all for the same. The score from CAT was pathetic, XAT was respectable but not enough to get a call. TISS was the same. I got a call from IBS Hyderabad, which was a good college but again, my family was in a financial crisis. We couldn’t afford the course fees. I was called for GD-PI. For that I had to go to Hyderabad and I required about 5000-10000. So, I chose not to go for GD-PI. Now, I had no option and the time was running out. The thoughts of being a nobody started surfacing. I did not know where to go. Nothing seemed right. Then after a few days, there was a courier. It was a prospect of ISBR college in Bangalore. I was elated and I had started dreaming of studying there. After a week, there was another prospect from the same college, then another. Then I said to myself, “Wait a minute. Why are they sending so many prospects to me?” My CAT and XAT scores were not that great that a college would send me three prospects. One thing I’m proud of in all these years is that going to IMS and attending sessions and taking management Tests had activated my logical brain. I had started thinking logically. Earlier, my computer had only two things to do. Music & Movies. But now, I used MS Word, MS Powerpoint, MS Excel in that. So using logic made me realise that this prospect meant nothing. This was a customary gesture from the college. They might have sent this to all of them. Now, I was again left with no option. I started living a solitary life. All day I did was sit with my computer or watched the TV. I started getting up late. It wasn’t that I was an early riser but this time was different. Sometimes I got up even after 11 AM. I did not know what was my future. We had a shop in Telibagh near our house. I started spending time there. I started believing that this was my fate. I will end up being a shopkeeper. Nothing seemed to make me happy. The shop would open at 10 AM and would close by 10 PM. I had left cricket which gave me a sense of satisfaction. Then after some time, I got a call from Delhi School of Communication (DSC) through ATMA score. My ATMA score was good but since I only wanted to pursue Mass Comm, I did not see any college there. I had never heard of DSC before. So, I researched and did not find anything suspicious about the college. The college also talked about 100% placement. This thing excited me and the companies they listed were known brands so there was no reason to doubt on it. They had called me for a Personal Interview. So, I went there. The college was in Neb Sarai near Qutub Minar in Delhi. This is one memory that I would never forget. First, on reaching the city, I booked a room in a hotel, had a shower and set out for the college. Neb Sarai was 16 kilometers away from the station and if you have ever travelled in Delhi, you would know the time it takes to reach from one place to another. So, it took me about an hour to reach the college. The college had a small campus but it was beautiful. After some time I was called in the cabin and my interview was to begin.

It was a fantastic interview. I had never spoken so much English ever before. I never got this opportunity. This was the first time anybody was listening to me. Never before my opinion mattered to anyone. It felt so good that I can’t explain. About two months before this interview, I had read two books on the recommendation of a teacher in IMS. They were The Alchemist and The Kite Runner. You can call me lucky that the interviewer asked me if I had read any books. Since these two books were fresh on my memory so I told them about that. Her expression said it all. “Oh! Wow! Those are very powerful books.” She also asked me to share my experience reading those books. After listening to me, she was impressed, she said that I had explained them very well and would like to see me in the campus. That boosted my confidence. Now, I had to return to my room. So, I took a bus. On the way, I was thinking about my stay and career in Delhi. Though, I never liked the city for its expanse and business. Now I was getting an opportunity to study here. So, I was getting myself ready mentally. I began to dream my existence here. It took me more than an hour to reach the railway station where my hotel was. On reaching the hotel, I told them that I would leave tomorrow in the morning. So, get the bill ready. This was my first stay at any hotel so I did not know the rules of check-in and check-out. I was assuming it to be 24 hours from the time I came to the hotel. So, when the bill was presented to me, I was shocked. The bill was for two day stay. I ran to the reception and told them about the error they had made. But to my surprise, it was I who was unaware of the rules. The check-out time was 12.00 noon. No matter when you arrive, it would be counted as one day. Same happened with me. The problem was not with the rule. If the rule says so, I will have to agree to it. I can’t differ from that. Before coming to the hotel, I had bought two books from the station stationery store. One, God of small things by Arundhati Roy and the other Power of Subconscious Mind. And the two books cost me more than 600 ruupees. Now I only had 300 left. That was more than sufficient to go back to Lucknow, but to pay the bill was not enough. I was scared because I had heard many stories about Delhi being a city of crimes where people snatched things from you. I was thinking if the staff did the same with me, what would I do. I had no clue. So, I told them frankly, I had no money left with me. I asked them to search my bag. The manager asked me about my documents. I had PAN card and a Voter’s card then. I showed him both the cards. Initially, he looked to not believe me but then he said, “OK”, and also asked me to send the money on reaching Lucknow. I nodded my head. He was a kind man. I was about to cry on his gesture, I think he realised that. So, he said in a very calm voice, “If you need anything, just ask.” I was very happy. That day, I learnt a wonderful lesson in life which gave me courage to go anywhere in the world- “Not all are bad and if you are good, you will meet good people.”

I slept well that night and next morning when I was about to check-out, they served me tea as well. I can’t forget that gesture. I still owe them 500 rupees. They had given me a visiting card of their hotel but I lost it somewhere. But, if I ever went to Delhi again, I will certainly return their money.

I reached Lucknow late at night and I told my parents that all went well and I am hoping to get a call from them very soon. And, not many days were passed when there was a letter from DSC confirming my admission call. The fee structure and hostel charges were also mentioned in the letter. The total amount was about 5 lakh which was not possible for my family to afford. So, my mother talked to many people and nothing could be arranged so the last option was to apply for education loan. So, we went to State Bank of India (SBI) where my father and mother’s accounts were. They went to talk to the Bank Manager, He searched in his database but did not find DSC in there. So, he refused to provide a load to us. My account was with Corporation Bank so I went there to ask for the same and got the same response there. Now, this option also seemed to slip of my hand. First it was Mass Comm in graduation, IBS Hyderabad, and now it was DSC. I started feeling unlucky for not being able to grab any of these opportunities. I had dreamt of them so dearly that my heart used to go into shell and same was happening now. I also called DSC to ask for any other option of payment. Unfortunately, they did not have any other option. I was again in my shell. I did not belonged to a rich family, not our shop was helping us financially nor was I able to grab any opportunity that came my way. I was perplexed to what my future was. My love life was also in a fix. I was financially, mentally and emotionally broke. So, I started going to shop again. This time, the intent was missing. I did not enjoy going to shops. There was no social life. You spend more than 12 hours in a day to something that was supposed to help you financially but if it can’t do that also, what was the point. Then at that time, we had taken a few bad (horrifying) decisions also. Not many months had passed that my father started thinking of extending the shop to another place just 5 km away from this shop. Since our shop was a variety store where you could find toys, gifts, bangles, Sports equipment and other stuff. So, it required a huge investment. We tried hard to convince him, but he was so sure that the market there had potential and our business could grow leaps and bounds. But only after three months, he lost patience and wanted to give a try to Security Guard Services. Obviously, these were not his decisions entirely. Some one was filling his mind with these thoughts.

We spend about 2 lakhs on that new shop and now we had to close that. The sellable was not our concern, we could accommodate that in this store, but the furniture that we spent so much on was our real concern. Now, it was a dump in our house. The sale in our old store was also not that good. Earlier ours was the only shop in that shopping center but now there were four excluding ours. Soon the sale became less and less and we decided to close the shop. By then, I had seen a newspaper advertisement of Amity University which was inviting admissions for their PG courses and the list also included Mass Communication and Journalism. So, I applied. Soon I got a call to appear for a Personal Interview. It was nowhere close to what I had experienced in DSC. They did not ask me any question regarding the social problems, my likings and hobbies or my future goals. One of them asked about my birthplace where I had not spent much time so I did not remember or know anything about. So, all they asked, I had no answers. I was thinking, another chance wasted. Amity had a bigger campus than DSC but the quality was clearly evident. I still think in my solitary space, What had happened if I got admission in IBS Hyderabad or Delhi School of Communication. What could have been the life there? Certainly, no one had the answers to these questions.

I had no hope of getting a call from Amity so I went to my usual self - self-deprecating and self-blaming for whatever I had missed in life. After some days, I got a letter from Amity. There were all the details. We had to submit the first installment within a few days. It was 50,000 rupees. The total fee was 2 lak 41 thousand. This was much lesser than what DSC would cost me. So, everyone was sure that I could get education loan for that. Now again we went to SBI, they refused. We went to Corporation Bank, they also refused. Now there was only last option left. Bank of Baroda. The place where my father had opened a new store, just a few meters away, there was a new branch and one of my acquaintances knew the Branch Manager there. So, we went to him. He agreed to provide us with the loan. But as per my father’s documents and bank details, we were eligible for only 1 lakh fifty thousand. Since we had no other option and time was running out so we agreed to go for it. My father arranged for the first installment from his pension account but it was taking time. Let me tell you about my condition on this. I hate being late. I have to reach on time. You can say that I have a kind of mania or phobia but this still is the case. I was happy to reach there and wait for the other person but if I knew that the person is waiting for me, I get jittery, I panic. I did the same thing then also. I kept on urging father to ask the manager to hurry up. But he was relaxed and cool. He could not understand the need to hurry up and I could not understand his calmness. We submitted our application form and demand draft (DD) at the eleventh hour (at the last moment). It wasn’t the case that mine was the last admission for that course. There were students who got admission even after the session started. I remember, Pronoy, Neha and Anshika joing us after almost two months. So, I want to tell all of you. If some college or institute says, “Today is the last day of admission.” It’s just to invite rush entry. Mostly private colleges do that. Never mind, let’s get back to our story. So, that’s I am, full of nervousness and confusion. After I joined the session, I promised to myself that I would try to be as much active I can be. I will be full of life. But that promise, I could not keep for more than a few hours. As they say, don’t promise, commit. It was our first day and we were queued to go to all the classes to meet our juniors. This college had NO Ragging rules, which was good. So, we were taken to classes one after the other and were introduced by Mr. Trilochan S. Kalra, our photography instructor. He was very jolly in nature and full of life. We talked about our hobbies, interests and other things. Soon, this drill came to a halt and we were returning to our class. I had a dairy in which I wrote my life experiences like the ones you are reading right now. I had left it there on the desk unknowingly. I had no clue that I forgot it there. On the way to the class while I was busy talking with Ratnesh, a fellow classmate, Asha, another classmate took it and started reading it aloud. I felt embarrassed and snatched it from her. I shouted, “How dare you?” Soon, another classmate Tanya said, “If it is so personal then why did you keep it in the open for everyone to see.” I did not hesitate to retaliate. “I did not keep it there deleberately, I forgot it there. More importantly, I would never touch anybody’s thing if it is lying here and there. I was so furious that I did not talk to anyone. That dairy contained some poems. And I had never shared them with anyone. So it was the first time, anybody was so close to them. I felt like getting naked in public. I felt so embarrased. After some time, they became normal but I was still fuming. They started playing truth or dare. So, they invited all of them to take part, including me. I said NO. Then Asha said something that I never expected anyone to say to me. “Tum phattu ho kya?” On any day, I would have simply ignored her or just smiled in return but since today I had a clash already, I wanted to give it back so I retaliated in anger, “Kya kaha tumne? Doobara kehna to?” I had passed the message loud and clear. There was silence in the hall. They ignored me and started playing that stupid game. I went ahead with my sulking. The day ended with everyone happy for their new venture and I still struggling to make peace with the situation.

After a few days, I again locked horn with Asha. I don’t remember the reason for that, but I remember the incident very clearly. I had pushed Asha in anger and she was very close to get hurt as the window was very close to her head when I pushed her. She did not speak a word and left the place. I was very ashamed at my mindless act but now I could not change it. I did not feel well the whole day. I wanted to apologize to her, but she had already left the campus. So, I was worried for her. I did not know her well but I could how would she be feeling. So, I arranged for her contact number and called her that evening and apologized for my inhuman behaviour. She was calm and said, don’t worry, such things keep happening.” I was quite surprised, how could she be so calm. If that had happened to me, I would not have responded so calmly. That day, I promised to myself again, never to get angry for no reason like this time.

Next day, we met again. I wished her, “Good Morning, Asha!” All were looking at me and my changed behaviour. Asha responded well again like nothing had happened the day before. Soon, we became good friends. We both lived in the same area so we started coming by the same auto rickshaw. We became very close friends. I can say it openly that I was fond of her. Such was her impact on me. The effect started to show its magic when I saw her one of my poems and her response shook me. She said, “I think you write when you are sad.” No one had ever talked to me in that way, before. How could she figure out that. All my poems were written in my solitary space. I had penned them only when I was sad. She was so right. So, this was the time when I wanted to know her more. I started to like her more. It wasn’t that I fell for her like the other Romeos in the class and even outside the class. As I call her, She’s the best friend of the Universe. I was engaged to my current wife, Jitesha at that time. And there were clear instructions from my mother. “Now you are engaged and you will soon get married. I knew what she meant. So, you can say, that Jitesha, my wife can thank my mother for that advice. Oh! I have shared too much with you. Let’s get back to on course. The course was about to complete and we had started thinking of after life of college. Soon, like a windfall, I got an opportunity to work for a school monthly magazine. It was Kids Calling. The name appealed to me so much that I did not think twice before asking for the details. This opportunity came to me from Asha. She was working there as a reporter cum editor and I was supposed to work there as a reporter cum marketing manager. It was a home-based magazine with only a few subscriptions. The editor in chief was Mr. Rajneesh Chopra who was a veteran in the field. In his words, it was the best magazine at that time. Now he is no more, so it doesn’t feel ethical to me to talk about him now but since it is a part of this part, I have to share this with you. The magazine had to compete with Times of India, Hindustan Times and of course Dainik Jagran (a Hindi daily). The reason was very simple. They had already got a hold in most of the schools and the best of the lot too. What they could offer to the schools we could not. And, to think that we could replace them in no time was a childish thought. Soon, the publication of that magazine and our salaries took a toll on the editor in chief and he asked me to go fetch for advertisements. And again, it was a cyclic process. The one who would advertise in our magazine would want to know what is our subscription. I was asked to lie to them which was not in my system. I had lost many jobs and opportunities just because I could not lie when it mattered. You can call me egoistic, foolish or whatever you feel like but I haven’t changed much since then. I still can’t lie to people.

I’m not saying that I haven’t lied to anybody. That would be an Ethiopian idea. I lie when it’s harmless. For example: If I have to tease someone or I’m in a playful mood, I don’t mind lying to people.

Soon they started pressurizing me and I couldn’t ignore them then so I left the job. My only regret here was that I did not tell them that I did not want to work there anymore. I was there for about three months. I remember that one day, I jokingly said the Rajneesh Sir, “Sir, sell me the publication, I like it very much.” He used to get angry. He was a good man. Asha is more responsible than me. She had also quit from Kids Calling but when she got to know about his death, she went to Nahid Ma’am, his wife to meet her. I got to know about him after many months but I never that courage to go and meet her. I am too timid to do so. I have that problem even now. If I know someone, not closely, and for some reason, I had to face him or her, it would be a herculean task for me. I hate to be in that situation. I don’t what overcomes me. I soon got another opportunity to work with Hindustan (A English Daily). It was a big thing because the offer was in a different city, Kanpur. In Lucknow, I had dropped many applications in Dainik Jagran but to no avail.

First of all, I couldn’t believe that I was getting this opportunity. I went to Kanpur to meet to the editor there. I was very nervous. He saw my documents and said only one thing. “Up Down kar loge ya yahin rahoge?” (Will you come to work from Lucknow or will you stay here in Kanpur and work?) I said, first I’ll choose to commute and then if I felt I couldn’t manage, I’ll look for a room there. He just nodded and said, “Kal se aa jao.” (Come from tomorrow.) I was very happy but did not know what was about to follow next. I had promised to commute but did not know that I had to lose my sleep. I would arrive at 2 and sometimes 3 in the night and left home in Lucknow at 5 in the morning. Life became unimaginably tough. I am a very lazy kind of a person and I had never worked so hard before that. So, It started showing on my health. The trip costed me about 150 rupees which was also one reason that I was getting exhausted. There was no salary discussion from the editor and no commitment from him. I was going energetically and coming drained. I was assigned Kanpur Development Authority (KDA). It was my beat. All were assigned some or the other beat. In the evening, the editor used to gather all of them and would share some anecdotes and all used to laugh. And as soon as the clock hit 7, all went back to their chairs and started typing their stories. On most occassions, I had no story. So, the editor asked someone in the Hindi department to share his story with me and I would translate it into English. I trued it many times but my draft did not impress the editor. Soon, he said, leave it. He behaved as if he forgot that I had to catch a train back to Lucknow and I did not dare to say that. The reason was very simple, I had done nothing worth being appreciated by him. This was another time, when I realised that I had to work on my English more. This wasn’t enough. Every time, he threw a new word at me and I was taken aback. One day, the whole day I was at KDA. I had no news from there and today there was no news to translate too. So, I did not do anything fascinating that day. I was sitting alone doing nothing. So, Anurag Sir, a senior reporter in the lobby said to me, You won’t survive here like this. You will have to find a way. Either deliver or quit. Those words were like sword to me. They hurt me so deep that I could not reply to him. All the way to home I kept thinking about those words. As I reached home, I had made up my mind. I wasn’t for reporting. I was coming from a ruthless world which did not see emotions and solely worked on productivity. So, I told everyone in the family. They did not say anything. I think, they had already made their mind that I would be quitting any day. So this was not a surprise to them. Next day, when I called the reporter to inform him, he again said only one thing, “Don’t be a quitter.” Now I was more confused. Whether I had taken a right decision or not. But soon, I started regretting my decision. I got another job after about three months but that too did not turn out well. It was a sales job with no hope of growth whatsoever. Soon, I left that too. Now, I was jobless for about six months. This was the time, I had tried everything and every place but nothing looked exciting and lucrative. That was the time, I began questioning my existence. I did not know what was I expecting, what I was looking for. I had tried every thing but nothing interested me. I had tried selling encyclopedias, working in a Hindi Call centre, data entry and also International Call Center. But either the salary was delayed or the work profile was for a freash blood of about 25 years of age. I did not fit in there. Then, I also thought of government jobs but I could not see myself working as a clerk. I had also applied for a billing clerk in Army Canteen but I did not get selected there as well. Nothing seemed going my way. I had lost all hopes. Even my parents had kept a distance with my condition. All they gave me was their frustration and anger. I had gotten bitter and bitter. Then one day, I saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a Hindi Call Center in Hyderabad. If you remember Secunderabad and Hyderabad. The twin cities where my childhood memories were. I wanted this job, I said to myself. For two reasons. One, I wanted to go back to my childhood memories and two, I wanted to get away from my family. They were unsupportive and always downloaded their frustration on me. All the day, I used to hear that I was good for nothing. I can’t do this, I can’t do that. Then one day, I promised to myself that if I get a chance to go from here, I would never come back. Now this was the opportunity. So, I went for the interview. It went well. Mr. Durgesh Gupta was the owner of realshoppee.com. A platform that sold Hyderabadi pearls. The food and lodging were on the company so that way, I could save a handsome amount. So, I was very happy. I went home and told everyone that I was selected to work in Hyderabad. They tried to stop me by saying that it’s too far from here. How will you survive and how will you contact us. But, I was determined, I will not change my decision. I will go. So, soon they surrendered. Now, it was my wife who I had to console. I was deeply hurt with gestures of my parents that they showed to me when I wan not getting any opportunity.

The day came when I had to leave for Hyderabad. I started getting a strange feeling. I was frightened. Kanpur was close but Hyderabad was certainly very far. It was like settling in a new country. It was a very courageous decision from me. The train was in the afternoon and things were building inside me since morning. It was so heavy that I felt that I won’t be able to go. After some time, when my mother came to me and said emotionally, “Why are you going so far? You’ll get a good opportunity in Lucknow only.” She said this in such a way that I could not stop myself from crying. I cried vehmently as if I held myself for a very long time. Yes, I did. All the frustration that I was saving in myself all these days had got a vent. I cried for a very long time. But that did not change my decision. My mother also started crying. Then my wife also followed. My mother kept saying, “Please don’t go.” But I did not listen to her because I knew, soon everything will subside and I will have to face their frustration again. Soon, the taxi was on the gate, I rushed my luggage to it. On the way, my tears did not stop. They kept down rolling down my cheek. Even at the gate of the train, I hugged my father and cried. He also said the same thing. “If you are feeling so bad, don’t go.” But I listened to any of these emotional cries. They all looked like fake to me. Or if I can put it in a more sophisticated way, they looked more momentary to me. Soon, the train got the green signal and it started marching. I bid adieu to my father and got into the train. In the train, I kept thinking if I had taken a right decision. I did not know but wanted to know. So, the journey had started. It took over 30 hours to reach Secunderabad, and another one hour to reach the office where there was our lodging. There was two more people from Uttar Pradesh. They came a few days before me and already started working there. I had to start from the next day. It was a new experience for me. All looked very exciting. Next day, we took an auto rickshaw to reach the office. There were more than 30 calling agents like us taking calls. Yes, we were late. But there was no penalty for that because we came with the team leader. Yes, we shared the room with the team leader. He was given the opportunity to take care of us. Our food and lodging was on him. Obviously, he was getting paid for it. I did not mind him earning with that. All I was happy there was the breakfast. Everyday I ate idli and coconut chutni which I loved very dearly. I left this place in 1997 and now I was back in 2012. Fifteen long years had been passed and I missed this place and the food so much, I can’t tell. All used to watch me curiously but could not understand my craze for the breakfast. For the lunch too, I went to the same stall and ate idli with coconut chutni. Sometimes, I also had fruit salad to keep myself cool in that hot weather. The two boys, who shared the room with me, did not like the food at all. They were craving for roti, which was difficult to find in this place. But if you needed rice, you would get it everywhere. In the evening, we used to have rice and sambhar but the sambhar was too spicy so we took curd along with it. Soon, I got ulcers on my tongue. So, I stopped taking sambhar and only took rice and curd. This was my routine.

On the job!

In the early days, my work was so appreciated by them that they were thinking that they were thinking to shift me from calling job to some more important job. First, I was given a calling job like others. I did fantastically well. So, they gave me a job of a post master. Let me tell you about this job. We were selling a pearl necklace to random people so we would call them and tell them that they are getting a free gift but to receive that gift they just had to pay the postal charges of Rupees 525/- and if we got yes from them, we would get our incentives. But on many occasionas, the parcel was rejected by the customers. So, it was a new tactic thougth of by our bosses. I had to pretend that I was calling from the post office in their area and would tell them that they should keep the cash ready and the postman would come anytime. If they said yes. It was a sure sale. So, I being a Hindi speaking person was good at understanding them. The calls were mainly from Madhya Pradesh, Rajasthan and Uttar Pradesh. So, I was nailing in the calls. I used to pretend that I was chewing pan, which is very common for a government servant in these areas. They used to believe me. May be this was their plan when they brought us here. After a few days, that work was closed. I did not have to call pretending a post master. The target was met, may be. I was again put on normal calling, which I no longer enjoyed. I enjoyed that post master thing. So, I kept asking them for those calls. Soon, I was asked by Mr. Durgesh Gupta, the man who interviewed me. He asked for my well being and how I liked the work. I responed very positively. He also nodded that he and other seniors also appreciated my job. He also said that they are thinking some thing better for me. Soon, I was sitting in a different cabin. Here all the designers used to sit. I was sitting beside a lady who was designing some logo I think. First, I tried to sit straight because I did not want to lose this opportunity. But when it took a long time for my senior to come and address me about my new assignment. I started looking at her work. She was struggling to remove the background of an image that she had downloaded from google.com. I looked at her carefully and thought she would do it easily. But when I realised that she could not do this. So I said too her, “Why don’t you do this in photoshop?” She was trying to remove the background in MS Paint. I know computer little bit. So I told her about it. She said, “Photoshop? I don’t know much about it.” I said, “Isme photoshop hai?” (Is there photoshop installed in this computer?) She did not know that either. So, I said, “relax, let’s find out.” So, I went to the run command with control + R and I typed PHOTOSHOP and the photoshop opened. It took me not more than a minute to remove the background. She was surprised and meantime, I did not know when my senior came back and watched me do a technical job. He was also shocked. He said to me surprizigly, “Tumko PHOTOSHOP bh aata hai?” (You know PHOTOSHOP also?) I smiled and nodded. I said, mujhe photography bhi aati hai. I was a field reporter in Hindustan. He was shocked to hear that. And they he asked a question for which I had no answer, “What are you doing here?” I smiled back and said, “Life”

After coming back to room I used to talk to my family in the evening and the parents would tell me how lonely they were feeling. How much they missed me. Every day, I heard the same thing from them. My father was emotional, my mother was emotional. But I had made a promise to myself and I would not return. But I couldn’t keep that promise either. I started becoming weak. I started missing them too. I used to cry at nights when everyone was fast asleep. Soon, it became difficult for me to concentrate on my work.

I stopped seeing growth any more. The idlis were no more delicious. The city had no fun any more. All I wanted was to go back to them. Go back to my parents who were missing me so dearly. Go back to my wife, who had not shown any emotion till then. I started talking to myself more and more. How idiot I was to leave such a loving family. Now I was realising that I had misunderstood them. I did not find the work interesting. Soon, the team leader with whom I had made a good friendship started noticing the change in my behaviour. So, I told him everything. He tried to convince me so much but all in vain. I was again determined. Now determined to go back to my family. So finally, he gave up and asked me to talk to Mr. Durgesh Gupta. On hearing me, she was surprised. He said, “You are doing so well and we are thinking to promote you to some more interesting job. You should bide your time and think about this decision again.” I saw belief in eyes for me but I could not think practically any more. So I refused to his offer and I said, “Sir, please let me go. I can’t concentration on the work.” So, he also surrendered. The company had a policy to hold back one month’s salary and only paid that with the second month’s. But since I had only completed one month and ten days. I only got the payment of 10 days. But I was not sad. That money was enough for me to back to Lucknow. I got my seat reserved and packed my bag. Off to Lucknow.

I wasn’t this happy for a long time. As they say, every thing happens for a reason. If I hadn’t taken the decision to come to Hyderabad, there was no chance I would take this train. On the train, I met Mr. Khaja Ahad Uddin. He gave me life changing lessons which were about to help me in my future. He was going to Bhopal to attend a wedding. Till Bhopal, he kept telling me what life is all about and how you should see it. What possibilities it can offer. I was feeling so much relaxed. The journey seemed so short that I thought Bhopal came in a flash. I wanted to listen to him more. So, I asked for his contact number. After he left. I kept thinking about him. He came like a messiah who was sent to me by the almighty. I am still in touch with him on FACEBOOK. All these years, when you see most of your acquaintances changing you realise change is inevitable. But Mr. Khaja Ahad Uddin more or less the same man. He still keeps motivating me and inspiring.

My welcome in Lucknow

I reached Lucknow with an expectation where my family would be pouring all the love and all the care that that promised on the calls. I was oblivion to the fact that I was too excited to see the truth. Yes, they all were happy to see me back but when I told them that I had come back for ever. I would no longer venture far away places. My mother’s face became pale. She was in disbelief. She wasn’t expecting this. I started feeling uncomfortable as they were no longer happy. I could feel that they were devastated with my decision. This pained me more. Now, I was regretting for my decision to come back to them. I again felt like leaving this place but now I couldn’t go back. This way, I would dis-respect myself which I would never do. All these years, I have not done anything that was below my dignity. I never took bribe. Never lied in my profession, never back bit, never became sycophant. May be this was the reason, most employers did not like me much. I was never in their good books.

Now, in Lucknow, the life was again turning the way it was earlier. But, this time my intent was different. I was not fighting with people. I was not complaining for bad days. I was full of life. I thanked people for what they offered me I was more satisfied, more willing to give than take from people. Soon, I got an opportunity to teach as a tutor for a school nearby. They offered a little but I did not hold myself. I took the opportunity. They asked me for a two days demo. So, I willing went for it. For, I knew that I was good at English. But they had a vacancy for only Maths. So, I agreed for it. I was confident that I could teach Maths till class 8th. The demo class went well. The director of the school told me that they would call me after the summer break. So, I think they just wanted me for two days. Never mind, now I knew that I could teach Maths also. So, one day when I got an opportunity to work as a private tutor, I was confident that I would have no problem.in teaching. So, now my new journey began. I did not know how I would feature there.

My journey as a tutor

My first student was Sara, a third-grade student. She was very talkative. Since, it was my first tuition so I had to learn many things. I had to learn patience, pedagogy and human psychology as well. But since, she was a garrulous girl, she never allowed me to learn anything. Then I got another tuition not very far away. There were two kids. One was in 7th and the other was in 5th. There parents were very worried for their children’s studies. But the children were always in a playful mood. I was very happy because now I knew that I had acquired a new skill and here I could be engrossed and I forgot about my worries. Soon, there were more than three tuitions with me. I was earning a very good sum. There was only one motor bike in the house and my father also needed the bike. So, I purchased a bicycle because all my tuitions were in a 5 km radius. Later, I also got an opportunity in an American call center. So, now I had two sources of income. One, from the tuitions and two, from the call center. Though, I was yet to receive my first salary from the call centre, I knew I would get a good amount at the end of the month. Now there was a sense of relief in my head. When someone used to say money gives satisfaction, I wouldn’t believe them because till then I was a dependant person, depending on my parents. All my wishes were granted, I never cared how they managed. But I used to be happy and proud of them. But now I knew, how difficult it is to earn money. You have to prove yourself day in and day out then also it was not guaranteed that you will survive. Now, I was respecting money more than ever. All my looed like fading away. My pocket gave me strength to raise my head high and talk with confidence. Though, I was yet nowhere near my goal, in fact I had no goal, my life seemed to be filled with hope, aspirations, and a sense of satisfaction. My only goal was to earn a lot of money for my family so that they don’t have to face what I had gone through. I think most of the people do just that, building a path for their progeny. But as they say, time is never constant, it keeps changing. So, it happened to me too.

My call center job was gone. It was a technical support setup that was US based and the owners were not earning as much as they had thought so they were shutting it down. In just one day, all was shattered. My dreams were walking smoothly with me and now all of a sudden, they paused. They looked at me and as if they were asking, what’s the plan captain. I was glued. I did not know what to say or do. They gave me a cheque for my remaining salary and bid adieu. I left the office and was wondering why is all this happening to me. Will there be a day when everything will roll out just fine? I never wanted a luxurious life, I never dreamt of palaces and more, then why?

All I could do was smile. Later that day, I went back home and told my family. I think they were also devastated but they cheered me.

Now, I had only one job, that was teaching. I was loving this job but wasn’t earning much. I remember, it was winter and my wife did not have clothes for winter. So, we went to the market and were searching for some good stuff. All middle-class people will relate to it. Whenever we went to buy something, we used to look for the price tag first and then the quality. This thing embarrassed us sometimes but we had no option. Our pocket was lite and my day job was gone now. So, we had to save more and spend less but winter clothes always cost more than usual clothes no matter if they were branded or not. So, we couldn’t do anything but buy.

One day, Mr. Manish Kaushik, one of the bosses from the call center job called me to his home to discuss something. So, I went to him. When I reached there, there was another person sitting there. He was Mr. Sanjeev Dixit. I haven’t seen him before. Manish Sir was calling him bhayia so I thought that he was his relative but they were having beer so that idea sounded quite strange because I had never seen brothers drinking together. Soon, Manish Sir introduced me to Mr. Dixit. He was admin Head of Mahendra’s Education Pvt. Ltd. It’s a coaching institute which offered classes for Bank Job Exams and SSC CGL. I had also taken classes from one of their branches. So, this was an interesting meeting. I was looking him very keenly and wanted to tell him that I was one of their students. Soon Manish Sir said, “Can you help him? He is a very good man.” I wasn’t ready for this. But this changed my mood automatically. Another chance, may be. My mind ran at a fast pace. Dixit sir looked at me and asked, “Can you teach?” Manish sir was quick to respond, “He takes tuitions.” So, Dixit sir asked me, “Which subject can you teach?” I thought for a while and said, “English.” So, he said, “There will be an advertisement in Times Ascent next week, go apply for the job.” I said, “Ok. I will.” I also thanked Dixit sir and Manish sir for this new opportunity and came home very happy. I told my family about this and they were happy too.

Next week came. Yes, there was that advertisement. I went to the website and registered for the process. After a few days, I got a call from them for a test. So, I went there. As you already know that my love for the language has always been there. I correctly remember, I got 35 out of 40 correct. The invigilator there saw my score and said. “You will be selected sir, Even the teachers don’t get such score.” This increased my happiness manifolds. My wife was with me. This was the first time we could see things happening for us. But so many opportunities had come and gone that our trust was still brittle. We had hope but we didn’t overdo it. We came back home and in the evening I went for my tuition classes. After a few days, I was called for a Demo class and a personal interview. All went well and I was assigned Bareli Branch. I was so elated. This was the biggest opportunity that I had got till then. The salary was more than all my previous ventures and this also made me feel better about it.

I was asked to report to the branch in about a week’s time. I had all the preparations done. There was a dress code in the company so I got that too. A white shirt and a pair of black trousers. I came to Bareli a day before my reporting day. Next day, I went to the branch and everyone there greeted me. The branch Manager briefed me about my first class. It was an old batch in which the course was already over. I was asked to bide my time there and also cater to their doubts. So, I went to the class and asked them what did they want to ask me. They answered that they wanted to understand Para Jumble. I had also taken these competitive exams before and Para Jumble was one of my favorites. So, I explained the topic to them. Although, the class went well, I was shivering with nervousness. This was the first time, I was teaching more than 5 students. My legs were shaking with fear. I knew I wqs under-prepared for this type of situation. In fact the first few weeks, I couldn’t find my feet. I was still thinking as a student. A student is selective in his approach so he doesn’t know all the rules of grammar whereas a teacher needs to know everything in the book. And not just the course book but also most of the best sellers on the same topic. My nervousness did not subside. I grew more and more nervous. One day, I was to take a class of about 200 students who had alreay taken class from Dhruv Sir who was respected a lot there. He had been teaching in the company for 4 years and I had to fill in his boots. I had no courage to say, Yes, I can do that. I knew I had to pull up my socks if I want to continue my job. Otherwise, I would not survive here. I began learning more and more. I took Wren and Martin Grammar book. This was one book that helped me in my school exams. But this was insufficient for a competitive arena. Any topic I started in the class, I was always surprised by the questions some of the students asked. But those questions were not there in wren and martin. So, now I took another book. This was very famous in competitve exams-A Mirror of Common Errors. This book was only concerned about English Grammar but had all the answers that the questions asked me. I did not stop till I memorised all the questions and their answers.

Now, my confidence was high. Slowly and steadily students started coming to me for their queries. Now, I was about 3 months old. The initial hitch- ups were gone. Now my challenge was to upgrade my teaching skills. The students wanted no more than grammar and vocabulary. Each time I tried to inject logic in my curriculum, they did not approve of it. So, I receded. Now, there was a set pattern. I had to go only one way. Now, the company had more trust in me so they started sending me to Rampur also. So, now I had two branches to take care of. My supply was less but demand was more. So, they got two more faculties of the same subject-English Language. There was a batch assigned to me in Bareli but later on was handed over to one of the faculties. Now, because of some reason, things started to reach my ears, the students did not like her way of teaching (pedagogy). This went on for almost a week, then a few of the students came to me and asked me, “Why have you stopped taking our class?” I told them that all the decisions are made by the management so we only follow. For any complaint or suggestion, you need to talk to them. Soon, I was asked to take that batch again. They were very happy and I was extremely pleased to see their response. The memories of my first few classes flashed and I got emotional again. Soon, I became an important member of the squad. It gave me a sense of pride and also responsibility. I was beginning to enjoy my new job when I got a call to join Hardoi within a few days. Do you people remember Hardoi? It’s my birthplace. I was very happy. I accepted the offer gleefully. My other reason to accept the offer was that it was close to Lucknow. When I was in Bareli, I also became a father. I was more proud. I was blessed with a baby-girl. So, I went to Lucknow every week but since Bareli was far, I hardly got any time to relax. My life was Lucknow to Rampur, Rampur to Bareli and Bareli to Lucknow. This was my weekly schedule. I used to get so exhausted that I used to lose sleep on a daily basis. I was getting busier and busier and also frustrated. So, when I got the opportunity, I accepted with aplomb. Now, I had only one branch to handle and I could reach Lucknow within a few hours. But the rules started getting illogical in the company that it became difficult for me to stay there. I have already told you that I never did anything that I felt below my dignity. It was in January I think when we all were called to Lucknow for yearly appraisal. Here, we had to take an online test of our subject and also a demo. My test and Demo went well and I was expecting an appraisal, but instead of that, we got a call for a fresh online test. I asked them the reason for a re-test. They said, “It’s for all, so you should not have a problem.” Although I wasn’t satisfied with their answers, I took the test. This test like the previous one, was good. But instead of appraisal, yet another test was handed to me. This time, I refused. This did not go well with the management. They could not do anything officially so now all of a sudden my feedback among the students became bad. Many students had complaints against me and many other things. They also asked me to go to Sitapur and Lakhimpur Khiri for a day or two. If you want to go to Sitapur or Lakhimpur Khiri, you had no direct route. The worst thing was, they did not inform this a week ago. They used to inform about this a day before. Now I had no time to prepare. I had to leave right then only and if I was lucky, I would get the last bus or train whichever was available. So, this was the reason I left Mahendra’s.

My leaving Mahendra’s was a very good decision because because of this I came to know that there were many loopholes in my pedagogy. I had to learn more. I was in Agra for about 6 months and I had learnt so much. This was the place where I was thinking to stay for the rest of my life. I was fascinated with the names of the places there. Dayal Bagh, Raja ki Mandi, Hari Parvat, Bhagwan Talkies, Khandari, etc. These places have nothing unique but still my ears get a feeling of harmony when I hear these names from other people. It was in Agra where I got a ticket to Jaipur too. I got a chance to work with Career Launcher, another big company byt thus partnership did not last for more than 6 moths either. I again began to question my fate. All of a sudden, I was in a no man’s land. If I did not get any chance now, I would have to go back to Lucknow, which I did not want. Soon, another opportunity came my way. It was to work with Career Power (adda 247). I had got the opportunity to work in this company in Agra also, but there the branch was headed by two or three people. This gave me a thought that, this branch won’t last long. And I was proven right. Soon after I joined Career Power, Jaipur I heard that Career Power, Agra had shut down. I was feeling bad for them but I was feeling relieved for myself. During the six months I was with Career Launcher, I was so busy that I found it suffocating. It was not because I was a lazy person or did not want to work, but it was because I was doing work for more than three people. I was counselling, I was making class time table, I was going for marketing activities, I was working as an assistant for the branch Manager and also taking classes. I would have liked everything here, if my work was to be appreciated. I was always criticized for one thing or the other. Soon, there was a problem with the computer systems and I was handed over that task also. At the end of the day, I used to get confused as what was I doing here and what I will achieve with all this. My weekly off was taken away, I saw no growth and I wanted to find a new venture because I wanted to focus only on teaching. I started feeling that I was losing my grip on teaching as I got little time to upgrade myself. Now, when I was in Career Power, I was only teaching. I was happier and I could upgrade myself. Now, I have been teaching in Career Power since 2016 and I am very happy. There are many reasons for my happiness:

One, I was doing what I wanted to do- teaching English.

Two, My was earning well.

Three, My longer stint with the organisation helped me grow.

Four, My family was also happier as they saw future and stability in Jaipur.

Five, My goal was to enlighten the students and get them ready for the battle called life and I was able to do it here.

Six, I was no longer struggling to understand my role in the organisation.

Seven, I was no longer asking about my existence.

Eight, Because of the stability and calmness, I could venture in other possibilities.

So, this was my story and now you have to decide which way you want to go, which option do you want to choose, do you wan to complain about your shortcomings in life or do you want to give it all. It is your life and no one else has the power to snatch your life from you. It is you who has to shape it and if you fail, don’t worry, it has happened to the best of us. So, go easy on yourself. Learn from the mistakes made by other people and reach farther.