Marriage is not just a union between two people. In our society, it often becomes a transition between two families, two environments, two ways of living, and two sets of expectations.
People often talk about how difficult it is for a man to balance being a good husband and a good son. And honestly, that struggle is real. A husband stands between his wife and his parents, trying to maintain peace, understanding, and respect for both sides. But there are also many unspoken realities that women go through after marriage — things people rarely discuss openly.
In my ten years of marriage, one thing I learned very early was that most girls enter their new homes trying their best to become the “perfect daughter-in-law.” I did the same. I tried to please everyone. I fulfilled expectations, adjusted constantly, and many times I cried silently because I still felt I was not enough.
The strange part is that when a girl enters a new family, everyone expects her to change immediately. Her food habits, clothing, lifestyle, behaviour, emotions — everything is expected to adapt according to the new house. But nobody changes themselves for her.
The house remains the same. The rules remain the same. The environment remains the same. Only the girl is expected to transform herself and fit in as quickly as possible.
And that adjustment is not small.
It is emotional. Mental. Financial. Social. Relational.
You are suddenly surrounded by new relatives, new expectations, new responsibilities, and new ways of thinking. Even relationships begin changing from the day of the roka ceremony itself. Suddenly it becomes “ladki wale” and “ladke wale” — two sides instead of one human connection.
What should be love slowly turns into performance, comparison, and competition.
Who gave what? Who arranged better? Whose side did more? Whose opinion matters more?
And in between all this, the bride and groom are expected to simply smile and adjust.
At the time of my marriage, most decisions were taken by elders — the venue, food, guests, gifts, rituals, cameras, arrangements. I was only preparing myself to become what everyone expected me to be.
But after marriage, reality slowly unfolds.
A woman leaves one family and enters another, hoping the man she loves will become her safe place — a bridge between her old life and her new one. And many husbands do try. But over time, misunderstandings begin when a woman feels unheard, unseen, or emotionally unsupported.
One difficult truth I have observed is that many women feel trapped between being a “good wife” and a “good daughter-in-law.” Because sometimes, the more you try to fulfil one role, the more the other role suffers.
Many mothers love their sons deeply, and sometimes unconsciously fear losing emotional control over them after marriage. They may feel threatened by the bond between husband and wife. It becomes less about love and more about authority, influence, or emotional dependence.
But eventually, a husband and wife are the ones who must build a life together. They will raise children together, survive society together, earn money together, struggle together, and grow old together.
That is why I believe the husband-wife relationship should stay protected.
Not controlling. Not dominating. Not isolating from family.
But prioritised.
Because only a wife can truly be a wife to her husband, and only a husband can truly become a life partner to his wife.
In today’s world, distractions are everywhere. Emotional distance grows easily. One misunderstanding, one neglected feeling, one moment of loneliness can slowly damage a marriage. Relationships today need conscious effort.
Eat together. Talk together. Listen to each other. Respect each other’s emotions.
Sometimes silence is necessary too. Not silence out of fear, but silence out of wisdom — knowing when an argument needs peace more than words.
And when life feels good, express love openly. Appreciation matters deeply. Encouraging your partner, respecting them, making them feel valued — these things strengthen relationships more than grand gestures ever can.
Another truth people avoid discussing openly is money.
Finances affect married life deeply. Money is not everything, but it is the fuel that keeps responsibilities moving smoothly. First come necessities, then desires, then dreams. In earlier times, people built assets slowly over years. Today life is expensive, unstable, and emotionally exhausting. Financial pressure silently enters relationships and changes behaviour, patience, and peace.
And then comes the third pillar people hesitate to talk about — intimacy.
I believe intimacy is one of the driving forces of marriage. It is not just physical closeness; it is emotional connection, comfort, attraction, trust, and vulnerability. It keeps the relationship alive. It is the one bond in life shared only between two partners.
If neglected completely, emotional distance begins growing quietly.
Marriage cannot survive only on duty. It also needs affection, understanding, friendship, attraction, effort, and emotional safety.
And one more thing I learned as a woman and a mother — many women lose themselves completely in family responsibilities. They become mothers, daughters-in-law, caretakers, wives… but somewhere they stop being themselves.
That is dangerous too.
Love your family. Love your children. Respect your in-laws.
But do not disappear in the process.
Because a healthy marriage is not built by sacrifice alone. It is built when two people continue choosing each other with respect, maturity, patience, intimacy, and emotional understanding — again and again through every phase of life.
Swarnimasays ❤️
