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Single Parenting


                                         Article - Single Parenting 

 

Having a child is possibly  nature's best gift and blessing to mankind . It is in the interest of both parents and child if he is  nurtured jointly by both parents . There can´t be any replacement for a mother or a father . But unfortunately some circumstances force a child to live and grow under single parenting such as - 


1 Death of Partner -  Death may be due to natural reasons, natural calamities,  wars or any disease .Death of a partner used to be the most common reason for single parenting . But with huge advancement in the field of medical science and improved hygienic sense  and lifestyle , life expectancy has significantly improved and other  reasons for single parenting have popped up . 


2 .Divorce -  Rate of divorce has tremendously increased globally  in the past one or two decades, including in our own country where it was hardly seen . This causes the child to be in care of either single parent or stepparent .


3 . Unwa-nted Pregnancy - Unintended pregnancy  may  occur  in or  out of wedlock . In some advanced western world out of wedlock birth is not a taboo . If one partner does not want to own and the other is not willing to give up , this results in single parenting . In countries like ours where it is a stigma  , either it is aborted or marriage is forced upon , which might fail subsequently or the child goes to an orphanage . If lucky , He or she may be adopted by someone who may be a single parent also .


4 . Arrogance or Ego -  Sometimes there is no legal separation but  sheer arrogance or ego of one or both parents prevails  their heart and wisdom which  forces a child to undergo single parent care .


5 . Biased Against Marriage -  Some men or women may have  too biased  opinions against marriage - may be due to past bitter experiences or they are not willing to compromise  with their independent life or any other reason . But still they love to have a child  and  nurture him and go for adoption . 


Pros and Cons of Single Parenting 


Single parenting by  a mother or a father who so ever  she or he may be is not a bed of roses . It is a tough task full of challenges both for the parent and the child who grows 


under lone parenting .Remember it is not the child who is responsible for single parenting , it is either of you or both of you .      


Coping with Loss of Parenter - Loneliness is the biggest problem in the beginning . It will take some time before you normalize after losing your partner , whatever may be the reason . At the same time the child also needs  time to understand this unpleasant situation for him . It is a situation of emotional mess for both parent and child .


Dealing with Rest of Family - There may be a scenario where you will have to deal with the rest of family , friends or step parent . Not so easy as it looks . 


Stress and Anxiety - With no partner to help you in daily chores or raising a child , you will have extra stress . Your  Child needs greater support to fill the vacuum .


Convince Children Reasons /  justification - If the child is grown up  or as soon as he is older enough to understand , a single parent has to sit with him  and talk to them about the circumstances leading to single parenting and share mutual  feelings .


Financial Crunch - If the household was under double income of both parents , then under single income , single parenting will have to face rough weather and tough austerity measures might be needed . Where only father was earning , mother may get legal benefits but hardship will be there .


Outside Support - Single parents may have to seek outside support of friends / relatives in raising the child . Leaving a child alone at home is not good and safe , so look forward to getting  help from others . They might not be patient enough to bear your  child's behaviour .This might result in strained relations too . You should not leave a child under care of another child somewhat older than him , maybe his brother or sister . Both  are immature and this may be a safety or security risk .


Time Management - As a lone parent you need to spare more time for your child besides other office works and household chores to compensate for his loneliness .


Extra Health Care - You have to be more careful for self health and the health of your child .

Keeping the Child Engaged - Your small  child will come back from school sometime in noon only , while you are expected later . Let  the child enjoy fun and learn at the same time by putting him in extended day school , library or some art , painting class or any such place where he can play and learn together .


Discipline - As the child is under your lone care , you need to be more careful in making him properly disciplined  . You can´t be too harsh with him neither will you like him  to be indisciplined . That does not mean the kid should be given a free hand , you must set some rules and boundaries . Maintaining a balance and ensuring healthy all round development of the child is a challenge .


Be Positive - Your child will grow up under your attitude , behavior or mood . Your actions will normally  leave a significant influence on his future . So try to be positive in thoughts and actions .


Balancing Relation with Ex - Single parenting might be caused due to separation . You should set a boundary and still maintain a relationship with your ex . This is necessary to have an impartial attitude of the child who otherwise might be swayed on one side . Both parents must not sow seeds of divisions in the mind of the child . Your ex is legally allowed to visit the child , you should remain calm and not lose patience .


Being Emotional on Festive Days - For the other  parent who is  without a child , it is natural to feel the absence of a child and be emotional . Try to be strong and supportive with friends and the rest of the family . 


Living alone Without a Partner -  Despite being a single parent  you have your own needs . Take care of them too and keep  engaged in some hobbies .   Time gradually heals the wound .


Adjustment Problem in Children -  Both the child and single parent have problems adjusting in life due to loss of a partner . But the impact on a child is different . While for the single parent it is a loss of partner , for a child it is loss of guide and protector particularly  in case of loss of mother . It may be difficult for such a child to adjust at home or school or in society . 


Girl Child´s Health Issues - If the father is a single parent of a girl child , it is rather challenging to discuss on puberty some women specific issues by both . This sometimes might result in serious health problems . 3

 
Single parent's job is full of challenges and might have to face a new challenge quite often . There may be a thin reason of relief as it is said to have some positive aspects also .


Being Financially Savvy - After losing an earning partner, you  have to live on reduced income and  you might become an expert in budgeting . The child also becomes financially savvy .


Hard Working  and Independent Kids - Most single parents  have to struggle with additional responsibilities at home and outside at work also . They become hard working . Children learn from their  struggle and dedication and become hardworking and self caring .Especially  girls  growing up under single mothers are self reliant and they might have a perception that a man is not necessary in their  life . Moreover, such children  become more independent from an early age and they exhibit  better confidence and autonomy .


Children learn to Forgive and Move on - Children might have seen resentments , hatred between parents while together . They may develop a sense of understanding and be ready to forget past bitterness and move on in life .


Closeness to Single Parents - Your child is growing under your lone parenting , both of you keep on watching each other and sharing your moments of happiness and sorrow . This brings you both closer to each other .


Child Learns Acceptance - Your child has seen you accepting a single life . He can also grow by accepting the realities of sweet and sour life .


Quiet and Happy Life - If the reason for single parenting is separation , the house will be now free of quarrels between parents . Life may be quiet and happy after some time needed for adjustment with new situations .


Autonomy in Decisions and Attention -  As a single parent you are free to take all decisions . Your child gets undivided attention .


Bottomline - Whatever may be reasons leading to single parenting , in the end thusually cons outweigh pros and no one is the winner .                            

 

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