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Being Abnormal


“Ladies and Gentlemen, please give Nitesh a big round of applause for his most ever entertaining deed of life’, yelled Kevin as I entered the room. “How was your fantasy trip to Mahudi? Did God personally give you the solution of your untold tentative problem? Are you kidding me by coming after whole 2 days? Do you really wish to die? Do you care how much I worry about you?” interrogated Kevin & welcomed me in the most bizarre way. It was 11 pm Saturday and we just went on to bed without any further discussions.

Two days earlier.

“Nitesh, you have the most fluctuating life-cycle I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean it when I keep on saying that you are a pondering inkpot or an impulsive insane. Don’t feel bad but you are becoming more and more tarnishing nature wise”, said Kevin. It was half past seven in the evening twilight when I was worrying about something that couldn’t be unveiled to anyone. Kevin kept on asking me the reason of my tensed pity facial expression I consistently did on that particular day. Kevin, a dancer cum dude, was like a brother to me as I had no real brother. He was a celebrity in ‘St. Francis Engineering College’ as the personality he had would rather slam most of the actors in Hollywood as well. Unfortunately, I was his roommate but to my fortune, I found myself at a place where I seldom see random unique things daily after college schedule because he was utilizing his rest of the 8 hours in dancing, preparing for MBA & exercising. He was mind blowing & what should I say more to describe him “He was a born star”. All I did with my 8 hours was just 3 things: Sleep, Eat & Sleep again. Although, he always had a soft corner for me especially, I never understood why a smart dude of the 21st era will even have an old fashioned friend like me.

We were in the same class & completed almost 3 years in the medical college, but I was nowhere in any world to secure any job or do anything of my own. I was incessantly falling in my studies & I wasn’t even prepared for any further study plans while Harsh & Sunny were struggling to do something worth for them. Harsh was my hero for humor, a desperate for sex & chocolaty boy for girls. He had only 2 aims in his life: One to do anything for his parents & second to do everything for his parents. The most obedient child any parents can have or even dream about in their dreams. He was my best friend, but I wasn’t his. Craving for girl-talks, Footballer by passion & slim as a stick, Sunny was a dull shaped mediocre boy who loved only junk food. He will have nothing to talk about except ‘Ronaldo’ & that made Harsh always freaked out as Harsh had no connection with Sports, Television, Traveling or any adventurous thing in life. He and his Whatsapp conversation with girls to ultimately lead him to his ‘S-Destination’ were his eventual elixir. ‘S-Destination’ stood for Sex destination as our code word to make fun of him every now and then.

Thus, the 3-stoogies were my benefactor of life & I often behaved naïve in the group so was an ‘Official Ludicrous’. Harsh & Sunny would be sitting with their dates in college whereas Kevin and I would be just walking around the college campus to pass the leisure time aimlessly. Everyone wondered why Kevin hasn’t got any dates till date & he avoided answering that. I considered it normal as it is a myth in a college to have a relationship partner for fun & those who haven’t will have to do ‘Flying Solo’. In the first 2 years of college, Harsh & Sunny tried to fix double date me & Kevin with some hot girls many times but it proved futile. I myself couldn’t find any zest or chill from my life because I was lame, common but abnormal. Kevin was always a question mark for all of us why he would sit leisure.

That night, I couldn’t sleep because of the malice feelings I had within me. I went out at 1 AM night when Kevin was asleep letting him unaware what situation I was in. I immediately called Sneha to ask her if she was okay, but nothing was. She tried cutting her hand veins & continuously spoke of committing suicide. Sneha and I were in a relationship from the beginning of our 3rd year of college. As we were of the same town, it was easy for me to be in genuine contact with her & just before 3 months I proposed her to express my deep true love. Everything was fine until 50 days back when she came to meet me in my room.

“Hey, where the hell are you?” asked Kevin in a very rage voice. “I was not feeling sleepy so I am having some fresh air in the bus to Mahudi”, I answered politely unknown of the drama I had created. “Are you nuts or what? Come back at room & we will discuss it all. It’s all because of that slut right?” Kevin emphasized his care for me. I hung up the call & then finally switched it off. Sneha asked me who it was, but I neglected it saying that it was a wrong number. But she definitely knew that it was either from the three guys. I remember that we had many fights with the same ’Kevin’ topic as I wouldn’t go to meet her because I would have some plans with him. She often misinterpreted by saying ’You always choose him over me’. We stayed 2 full days in Mahudi for peace & to resolve the trouble we were in. I had been visiting Mahudi every year with my parents as it was my father’s favorite destination in summer. It has got the scenic natural beauty & soothing atmosphere which made him feel stress-free. Of course, his own blood would be like him and yes, I am a philosopher like him too who knows the bitter fact of life. All we talked about when we get ‘us’ time was philosophy as my father knew that I am an adult now & aware about the worldly affairs.

“Did you consult any doctor or tested with a pregnancy strip?” I asked her finally breaking the silence between us in the morning. But she was expressionless saying, “Yes, I did but it’s too early to come to a conclusion. I have 30-day menstruation cycle, but it’s been 45 days now & I know that it’s because of the cult we did that evening. We did some serious sinister stuff.” I tried to stop say all those shitty things, but she screamed embracing me. I was distressed & so I went on to the place alone where my father took me often when my mother would be busy worshipping God whole heartedly with my sister Rita. He used to say “I know that God exists, son. But I want you to know that I am not a narcissist as I believe in humanity and karma. I have faith in the power of eternity, but I consider that there is no face of God. All I do to satisfy me is by feeding poor, donating the needy one & helping those who crave for any support. I wish that you could at least follow the right path of life understanding the difference between virtual reality and actual reality. Always accept the situations and conditions God put us in.” He often took me to his fairyland childhood when he used to be the most notorious in the society. I visualize & repent listening to that because I had not done anything memorable in my life but playing guitar to console my soul & satisfy my conscience. He added, “Our life is short and sensitive so spend it wisely on something that gives you bliss. Many a times, it will be considered selfish, but all it takes is a firm decision. I know that you are totally different from me as I see you scoring high & studying engineering, but I am a 9th fail. Our thinking is different as we have a generation gap that makes an impact.” Well, my father never recognized my inner feelings as I too wanted to be a guitarist but I could never reveal it because I thought that it could only happen in movies like ‘3 idiots’. He seems to prolong the conservation every time with the last lines “You are different, son. It’s okay not to be normal. The inception inside you is intriguing. You ought to be the janitor of your soul and conscience. When you feel doubt on yourself, just reverse the count ten, nine, it would take you in all the elite cum exigent memories of your life.” I never understood those mythical, spiritual or provocative lines.

Near the small lake, I closed my eyes tried to swallow the bad things I did to her, but I couldn’t as I only wanted her to be saved from my sin. It was a mutual act albeit I could have resisted that evening when she came to my room. Though I was alone, I should not have seduced her to make an intimacy with me. We weren’t mature enough to commit any such deeds & I cried loud enough to let my guilt come out praying to God “If she’s pregnant, I will accept her though against this cruel society. I won’t leave her alone in her hard times. Suddenly, Sneha touched me on my shoulders & smiled saying, “I knew that you will be sitting somewhere here. See I am totally unknown to this place & here I am with you, for you. Don’t blame yourself as it was a mistake of both. We will handle it but...” Surprisingly, it was just like my mother catching father from behind exclaiming the same & will request to come to the temple for some time. My father will always respect her worship and faith to God & join my mother to her devotion. So, similarly she just took half of my tension saying those words like my mother.

“You know, I frequently compared our pair with my parents as there is so much similarity between you and my mother. She likes you, you know that right. Don’t worry, it will be all okay.” I always felt under estimated for myself when I remember being so numb until I entered in College. I was the most innocent guy in my class like I hadn’t seen any porn until then, didn’t have any drink or a bad habit of smoking. “What I have done to my life doing the most insane thing with Sneha?” I felt as I was a criminal. I couldn’t figure out how and why the ill deed happened. Friends used to call me ’Psycho’ as according to them, I began behaving like a psychopath from the moment I was in a relationship with Sneha. Whenever I would have a fight with her, I would throw my stuff around me & break them like some crazy prisoner from Agra. “Am I normal now?” I keep asking this question to me, but I never got any answers. The reason was that Sneha loved my passion for guitar & adored the philosophy I preached to her. She was the only girl who understood my zest for life. But then I see me in the middle of an ocean of love where every guy and girl feels the same. I didn’t want to be that guy who knows nothing but love. Because she was the first and the last girl in my life with whom I have been over friendly yet I was significantly timid about it. I sometimes ask myself “Have I really loved Sneha?”

Sunday morning, I didn’t realize that I would get the good news so early & say loudly “Yes, she’s not pregnant.” And Kevin was stunned hearing that sarcastic statement that pinched him so badly that he didn’t even reacted to me. I neglected his expression & called Sneha how happy I am for us. She slammed the phone saying “Come to me now, I want to see you in five minutes; it is urgent.” I just couldn’t figure out the reaction of Kevin and Sneha simultaneously so I decided to go one by one. Before I could say anything to Kevin, he smirked and said, “Thank God, you aren’t Gay. It’s obvious that you had sex with her. It was so clear, my God, but I am the one who is dumb thinking that you are homosexual. The only reason why I didn’t confess till now was because I thought that you are in the contemporary world of love with Sneha. You always had a fight in a week with her, right? You often asked me the reason and I guess that it’s all transparent now.” I was appalled and perplexed with Kevin’s whimsical confession, but I remembered two things at that time: one was papa’s mysterious last line and the other was to see Sneha urgently as 3 minutes had passed from the time she called. There was a constant but strange 4-second eye contact between Kevin and me.

But anyhow, I observed him carefully as he walked to the door. I knew that time was running out but suppressed the urge to check my watch. I took a deep breath and started counting in reverse under my breath. "Ten, nine, eight, and seven..."

And one by one, I got the answers of all the questions which unfolded the euphemism of Kevin. I realized why Papa told me those lines, why my mother prayed infinitesimally for no reason, why Kevin was never in a relationship & why Sneha had I always fight for almost nothing.

I was in no hurry to meet Sneha anymore and after a long 10 minutes, a text saying, “I don’t know why but our relationship doesn’t have a future. I am breaking up with you. Sorry, bye.” I couldn’t stop laughing loudly in my room devoid of ‘Kevin’ ultimately knowing the reason why ‘They called me Psycho.’